A
female
age
36-40,
*at_87
writes:Hi, Ive been with my boyfriend for just about a year, and we haven't approached the "love subject" well he hasn't. I love him and haven't said it, im 2 upset to because i no he won't say it back. This really hurts because obviously im in a relationship were the strong feelings aren't mutual. Anyway last night after a drinking session when we were getting intimate he told me that he loved me. Once he said it i stopped and said do u mean it and he said yes, and we carried on. Afterwards when we were going to sleep he said "u no what i said? can we ignore it, i didnt want to say when we'd been drinking and it just slipped out" I replied that it was ok and i knew he didnt mean it, but it hurts. What does this mean? Does he love me? Why did he say that? I feel so upset and hurt, i find it very painful that i love him and he just doesnt feel the same. Ive been very patient and have never pressured him 2 say it. Please help what shall i do?Thanks x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (29 November 2009):
 Why have you wasted a whole year on a man who doesn't love you?
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (29 November 2009):
 What ever happened to honesty in a relationship? If he said he loved you, even if he'd been drinking and you didn't say it back....then maybe he thinks you don't love him.
Also...I did have a guy tell me he loved me after drinking and he asked to take it back because he didn't want the first time he said it to be when he was drunk. He then planned this elaborate dinner and confessed his feelings of love for me...sober. Could it be he just didn't want to say it drunk and to say it in a meaningful context?
Back to being honest...you've been together almost a year and you think you might be having stronger feelings than him? What makes you think this? Why is he with you for so long if he doesn't feel "love" for you? If this is indeed the case maybe it's time to call off the relationship. He should know by now and if the feelings aren't there, you deserve a better relationship.
The older I get the more I realize that when someone doesn't love you like you love them that yes, it hurts but it's always better to leave the relationship in pursuit of one where you will be loved the way you deserve to be loved. Too much time is wasted trying to convince someone you love them.
I think you should have a sober discussion with your boyfriend and see where things are going. It's past time for "the discussion".
All the best, remember...honesty opens doors. For all you know, he might just have feelings you do not know he has.
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (29 November 2009):
 Maybe he does feel the same, and just didn't want to say it for the first time when you were both drunk - perhaps he wanted it to be more meaningful and romantic than something that just slipped out after he'd had a few. I think you've waited long enough to hear it - I would ask him about it. If he really doesn't feel the same, I would strongly consider moving on and finding somebody else who does feel that way about you - you deserve to be with somebody who values you as much as you value them, and it sounds as though this relationship is starting to hurt you. Which is obviously not how a relationship is supposed to make you feel! I think its time to have a conversation with him about it - good luck. :) xx
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