A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been best friends with these 3 girls for over 10 years. This is year is my 21st and we agreed that we would go away to Brighton one weekend to celebrate it. As I have many different groups of friends, I have also organised a weekend away with another group of friends to Blackpool to celebrate my birthday. I decided to keep this separate because both groups do not know each other and if I put them together it would be too many people there and I know I wouldnt be able to enjoy myself properly. The 3 girls found out about Blackpool and 2 of them are very unhappy about it. I can't see where I went wrong as I organised Brighton with the 3 girls 1st. The other girl is fine about it. When they told me that they were unhappy I then invited them to Blackpool with the other group and canceled the Brighton (which 1 of them is fine about) but the other 2 are still not happy with me. Im also having a family party, which they are invited to and the Blackpool girls are not as again it would be too many people. All I can think is at the end of the day, its my 21st and I can celebrate it the way I like it, I think they are not being understanding and not respecting my decision. They want to meet as they still have issues with me (it's been a month, since they found out). Im not sure how to get my point across as they are obviously not listening to me and its 2 against 1!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): look, you just need to talk to your friends and tell them how you feel. tell them your reasons for arranging 2 separate events and if they are not understanding, well then maybe they arent as good a friends as you thought.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your responses. I dont think they are jealous, they both go to uni far away whereas I work and they have different sets of friends at uni who I don't know. They both sometimes go out clubbing or the cinema together and don't invite me, so when I find out, I didnt have a go at them as it is their choice who they go out with. We always say that we are all best mates but sometimes I feel stuck as now if I organise something, I feel like I have to invite them all the time in order to keep them happy, which I shouldnt be doing. I just dont know how to put my point across to say that its my birthday and this is how I want to celebrate it without getting into a big argument. My birthday is only a couple of weeks away and i dont want to fall with them as my birthday will be ruined!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (29 July 2009):
 You know thats the thing with birthdays...it seems that the person celebrating the Birthday always is put under enormous pressure by the prospective guests. It is quite unfair, as I can see where you are coming from.
Are the two girls jealous that you would have two sets of friends? Realistically I think we all have sets of friends in our lives who don't know each other, as we may have lived in multiple cities, etc.
I don't see why you should have to compromise your milestone Birthday...it only comes once in a lifetime, you know. It sounds almost like bridesmaids being jealous of a bride on her wedding day.
You have your party any way you see fit, and don't let these two throw proverbial turds in your punchbowl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): I know it's easier said than done, but I'd cancel Brighton altogether and invite the friend who's happy with your arrangements to join you in Blackpool with the other crowd. You don't need the hassle and if this would put their noses out of joint, tough! It's your birthday celebration and up to you how you celebrate it.
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