A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:so... where do i start? So dating this girl for a while and fall in love... before we were dating she was dating a guy who went to jail for selling drugs.. So he gets our of jail and im S.O.L..the guys kinda of abusive so she seems to be in a relationship that she cant get out of. Hes sleeping around on her too..I get to hear about it.. all the while shes still sleeping with me.. Now She's Pregnant!!! could be mine.. very unlikely.. stuff went bad with him.. Got a restraing order against him now.. She now been kicked out of her house.. and is sick so cant work through the pregnancy.. 30 some and preg... ah!!!! still love her... what do i DO? Its hard to be supportive and watch somebody throw their life away...Need some advice... Should i run!!!?
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Yet you are asking us to be suportive while you are throwing your life away with this girl? Ah irony.
Some people don't know what they want and she seems to be a prime example. She doesn't the bf, because she went with you the moment he was locked up. She doesn't want you, because she went straight to him the moment he was free.
What does she want? Could be a lot of things. Have her cake and eat it. Unable/Unwilling to make a choice. No notion that two-timing like this is wrong.
And before we judge her to much. You say SHE is sleeping with you. That means YOU are sleeping with HER. You are part of this mess so don't put all the blame on her.
Since you are part of it, you need to fix it one way or the other. Either cut all ties or take responsibilty for the mess that you helped to create (nobody forced you to get involved or have sex with her after she left you). There is no easy answer and that probably her problem. The simplest explenation for her actions is that she never learned to take responsibilty. The think before acting. She was involved with him and didn't have what it takes to end it. Then you came along and she didn't have the willpower to resist and stay with her bf. Then he comes out and she again just takes the easy route of not resisting him. She doesn't resist you either.
She has taken the path of least resistance and it has become a mess. Now it is up to you. Either walk from the mess you helped create or take charge. Tell her, as you would a child, what needs to be done. That she severs all ties with this other guy, and focusses now on delivering the baby and learning to say NO. Of course, she might eventually say no to you, but that is life.
Fix this mess because part of this mess might be your own child.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): It's hard to love someone and see themselves ruin their life. A lot of the time you say, Well, I'll let them learn for themselves. But being pregnant, i can see that it is not the best time for that. Also, still loving her, it is even more painful.In this time, she is in a rut. You need to be there for her. I know it is hard, but she needs support right now and you need to tell her what she is doing with her life. Maybe tell her a story about someone in your life who is going through a similar situation and then see how she reacts! Maybe putting it in a different perspective will make her see the light, even if it is just a little. The most important thing is keeping her safe. For her sake and the babies'. At this point, even if it isn't yours, you should do the right thing. In the end, she will see what youve done for her hopefully.Good luck mate!
...............................
|
