A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a complete mess. I'm going to try to explain this as easy as possible, but there's a lot to explain... Hoping someone can understand and help...Let me explain first that I am 35 years old and my clock is ticking and I really want to have a family well before I turn 40. I absolutely have no desire AT ALL to try and find someone new. In this past decade the two men in my life have been the epitomy of what I am attracted to and have been the two major loves of my life, and I most definitely have no more love or time to give to anyone new. Can't even fathom it. I've given so much to these two already.It's been over 7 years and I've never gotten over my ex-finance. He's insanely intelligent, sexy, a go-getter, and more than well equipped to handle supporting a family. We were together for 3 1/2 years and split up over 7 years ago, but over the years,we have still been in contact and we have some of the same friends. He broke off our engagement because he decided that he wasn't ready to commit to a marriage and had been induliging into too many temptations because his profession has many women throwing themselves at him. Needless to say I was devastated. My whole world shattered. Although, I always felt that he would eventually get tired of that kind of behavior and empty sex and would someday, when he got older, want something more substantial.A month after our breakup I started to hang out with an aquaintance of mine whom I had no intentions of getting involved with, I mean I just lost the love of my life!, but I admit that I always found him very hansome (he reminded me of the statue of David- but leaner). He asked me on a date and ended up kissing me at the end of the date and it was the most amazing kiss I had ever experienced, ever. My ex, we'll name him Henry, is not a kisser. I don't really know why, but it just wasn't his thing. I love kissing though, and so when (let's say David) David kissed me I ended up wanting more. I immediately got addicted to the distraction from having my heart being blown to pieces. As it turned out, after hanging out with David and being just kissing friends for about 3 months, I was learning that he is just one of the sweetest and most honest, loving, and loyal guys on this planet that anyone will ever meet. I got totally sucked in, and 7 years later we are still together. You would think, then what's wrong with you? Well, what's wrong is for one, he is "the eternal boy" and for two (this is the big one) it's that his source of income is by no means in the slightest bit condusive AT ALL to raising a family. I wish I could say what it is he does, but I can't, you'll just have to figure that one out and trust me that it is not at all a safe or stable way to raise a family. If he wasn't so damn loving and good to me, and so hansome and sexy and all that good stuff, I would have walked away a long time ago! I have been trying to get him to change his ways, but for so long he was trying to make it in the music business but, what a surprise, it never panned out. In the meantime I was trying to get my own shit together with my own career(which I have and I love it) and I can't believe 7 years has gone by! Oh, by the way, he is an only child and his mother is also in the "business" with him and he is her life and has no life of her own, so that it another issue that is very unsettling. Anyway, Henry contacted me one day and we met and he apologized for everything he had done to me and asked my forgiveness and vowed that he would never want to do that to anyone again. He was dating a girl that gave him a dose of his own poison and was completely turned around by it. Since up to the time that we spoke he had been single and celebate for about a year. He's ten years older than me and from our talks since then he claimed that he was ready for a substantial and mongomous relationship and is ready for family and marriage. He's telling me that he wants to try for us to be back together! By the way, he knows about what David does and knows that I am not happy or feel safe about that situation.Now, David loves me dearly, and I love him, but he is not the conventional type or ever really wants to be married, but is willing to be married if that is what I want. I finally ended up putting my foot down after six years, and I ended up breaking up with him last year and started then to hang out with Henry, plutonically, just so to start things slow and get aquainted again. Now,he is an extremly busy man, a jet setter. During the three months that we were hanging out he was very busy with various tours but is trying to set his life up to be able to slow down in the somewhat near future so he can be at home more. After all he's not getting any younger and will eventually have to slow down anyway. We weren't able to see eachother too much because he was so busy, and I was at the same time very upset and stressed with breaking up with David. I had never seen David cry, and it was painful to see him or hear him in so much pain. I felt his pain. I went through the same thing when Henry broke up with me. I started to feel very guilty and was missing his affection. For 7 years I was so used to him being around a lot and pay a lot of attention to me. It was a shock, I must admit, to suddenly not have that anymore. I got weak and a month after breaking off with David, I called him. He told me he wanted to make things right, and was working on getting his shit together. We talked more times after that but I still hung out with Henry, just as friends mind you, and David ended up getting involved with some legal entreprenurial projects and I gave him a lot of credit for that. So much so that I ended up reacting to my emotions and fear and guilt, and called Henry and broke off our seeing eachother. I was starting to have thoughts that he might one day hurt or leave me again, and was wondering if he really had love for me. And then I was thinking, if I stay with Henry and he ends up leaving me, then I have no one at all because I was afraid that David would be long gone, and then to once again go through the motions of meeting someone new?? I can't do it. I just can't. It was a risk that I just got too scared to take.So, I foolishly left where I was with my career gaining good traction, and moved back to be with David in a far away part of the state, and we ended up having a ceremony 5 months later that wasn't a legal marriage (I know, crazy and foolish), and we're supposed to go to city hall and have a legal marriage, but it's been 4 months since the cermony and I am having very very cold feet. Well, Henry found out that I got "married". I wanted to still talk to him about everything, because when I broke it off with him it was over the phone and he was in another part of the country at that time, and I just acted so rashly, and when we ended that conversation he said that no matter what we would always be friends and that he loved me. I ended up texting him because I knew he was in town and I wanted to see him. He ended up not wanting to talk to me and said "my heart hurts too much, can't even deal right now, sorry". And then I found out that someone overheard him yelling and saying to someone "...all I know is, the only girl I ever loved went off and got married!". What have I done??This is where I am thoroughly confused and don't know what to do. I love these two, they both are very special to me, and I have eyes for no one else. David is the eternal boy trying to finally grow up and get his shit together and loves me sweetly and dearly, but I am afraid that he's just not going to be able to get out of his "business" in the time-frame that I want and need to start a family. I have a career that I can do anywhere, but it takes time to build up a clientele and I don't want to be superwoman, you know? Then there's Henry, whom I have never gotten over, have always dreamed of getting back together, always kept him in my heart, and who wants and is capable of taking his part in the responsiblity of raising a family, and wants to do that with me.I don't want to hurt David again, but I also don't want to sacrifice the life that I want. Do I stay with David and hope and pray that he can really get his shit together in time? Or do I break away before it's too late and go back to my life where I was steadily building my career and try to see if Henry and I can have the life that I want and he says he wants and build love and trust with eachother again?God help me...
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): He is clearly a drug dealer!
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