A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm only 17, and last year, in May; my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me, and it completely destroyed me; he was the one whom I lost it too and completely fell in love with, even though there was some abuse in the relationship I just blamed myself. Now, 9 months on; I'm still not completely over him..whenever I see him, I can't help but feeling sad. I've had 2 boyfriends after him though neither of them worked out :/ I really can't figure out how to get over my ex..can anyone help?
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female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (11 February 2011):
 When ever you have experienced abuse in a romantic relationship, there is something called a trauma bond, it has left holes in your soul and the hurt and pain and stress you feel from that trauma bond is being mistaken for romantic longing.This person was very toxic to you and the relationship was very damaging, the fact that you lost your prized virginity to someone who betrayed your deepest trust through abuse makes things even worse.You aren't getting over him because you haven't accepted that the relationship was very unhealthy and you have to learn the signs to look for so that you can avoid this type of person and relationship in the future.You are only 17, you have had two more boyfriends since this one. Try not getting into a relationship at all, relationships can be too serious at such a young age when you don't really know who you are yet or who is the right kind of man for you. Stay single and enjoy that, set some goals for yourself that have nothing to do with men, find a charity or some passion that you have that you can use to help others. This is very healing to your heart and soul to give back of yourself in this way without giving all of yourself to some damaged guy who has very little to offer you.If you find that this drags on for a month or so more, seek some professional counseling. Sometimes a professional can really help you get past that trauma you experienced at such a tender age.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011): I think you always care for the first person you really loved. But with time and meeting other people, it fades. Even after decades I remember 'that person' myself. It is all part of life. I know that doesn't help you get over him. But accept he will always have a place in your story. You will meet someone special someday. Pain is part of the price we pay for love.
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A
female
reader, lucy.whittaker +, writes (11 February 2011):
 Hey Honey,
The sad truth is you will never be really over him, not in the way you'd like to be or think you should be. You will always feel sad when you see him. But the feeling does fade with time and eventually it won't hurt as much. And when you find someone that it does work out with the hurt and sadness will seem even smaller. But unfortunately when you aren't the one who wants to end things, and sometimes even when you do, you will always remember what might have been. You just have to look ahead and remember that these things are what make you strong, and you have to be down to appreciate when things are good.
I hope you feel better, I know my advice isn't really very practical, but it's the truth in my experience. When I think back to two particular relationships that really meant a lot to me I still feel a sense of what might have been, even though I'm in a very happy and stable relationship now.
Good Luck,
Lucy XxX
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A
female
reader, ciara robinson +, writes (11 February 2011):
 hi, well for a start your so young you have plenty of time to be in a relationship, it is always harder to get over someone when he was your first intimate partner, but time does heal, i think maybe you should have some me time and grab some girlies and go and enjoy yourself you will get over him sooner if your not able to think of him, well i hope you all the best in the future and i hope i was able to help.
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