A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy in school and we were together for 6 years . I am 24 now and working . We were pretty much immature then learnt by passage of time. We had all ups and down in the relationship. Since we are indians we stayed in limits with regard to physical relationship.his parents approved us. My parents were not happy at all. He was an aggressive and abusive at first . Then he learns his mistakes changed . Time flew and we were happy. Suddenly he broke up with me because I could not move to abroad because of relationship. He wanted to be friends then I refused cut his contacts fully. Now I decided that I am not actually interested in moving abroad. At times I miss him and it pains still . I cry suddenly and hardly sleep . It is been six months how long does it take still ? I tried all made new friends and started jogging . I tried contacting him . He stopped returning my calls . What should I do ?PS:- His parents knew whatsoever happened and they tried talking to him. But he said like let time decide all. Does he miss me ? Or I have to move on
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female
reader, Arcanora  +, writes (2 July 2018):
 Darling, I'm sorry you are hurting but you should be so proud of yourself for doing all the right things, putting your happiness and your future first. He was a major chapter of your life and you should never feel bad for loving and missing him. One day soon something wonderful will come and loving him won't hurt anymore. Soon, I promise
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2018): Let go and move on. You built-up some false-hope when his parents intervened. That should have been your final-hope.
Getting-over a 6-year relationship will take time. Everyone wants to feel good 24-7; but my dear, life as adult brings trials and tribulations.
Love brings joy; but it also brings pain.
Time to take back some of the love you gave-away for yourself. When entering a relationship; there is something I myself had to learn. Give, but save a little love for myself. Meaning, you have to keep a reserve of love on-hand; just in-case you hit a snag that cannot be repaired. You can't fall completely apart over some other person. Make no man the center of your universe. If he leaves, he will take it all with him. Leaving you desolate and devastated. That's way too much power. If he's aware of it, he may abuse it.
When you give yourself; you have to be sure you're not overcompensating for the lack of what you receive in return. Women love really hard; but they sometimes forget to stop and pump the brakes to let him catch up, or stop! You have to move along at the same speed, and go the same route. There are times you'll have to make readjustments, and to do some maintenance. You stayed through his abuse, now you feel he owes you something. If you didn't get it then; it's too late to expect it now, my dear.
The burden of loss and grief leave when you decide you want to let go; and you're tired of holding-on. Don't fear letting go; because you think he might return and you weren't three. That, or if you held-on long enough; maybe he'd change his mind. It's wiser to prepare yourself for the worse-case scenario. The possibility he will never return; and will find someone else.
People will pass through our lives; and if they choose to leave, we have to let them. Their reasons may not make sense, or they may deny you closure; but you can let yourself live in misery, or choose to save yourself. He's not the only guy in the world, and he didn't hesitate to give you up. He stopped trying, and he decided he wanted to move-on; even if it meant without you. He didn't change his mind, he held his ground. You were right to hold yours! It doesn't seem like it now; but time will make it clear. Your destiny is pointed in another direction; opposite of where he would have taken you.
I'd love to invite you to sit with me in my garden, and offer you more wisdom. So I will send it over the ocean.
I had to learn to deal with my broken-heart on my own. You have to do the same. Chant to yourself this affirmative: "Today I will move on; and I will live happy without him!"
Repeat it each time you feel the tug of pain in your heart.
When I got dumped, I gave myself the encouragement; and built-up my own determination to live and be happy. I accepted my freedom and independence; and I realized he wasn't the only source of my happiness. I had many sources of love. My family, friends, co-workers; and my lovable little pug I had at the time. Always faithful and sympathetic.
He told me (the ex, not the pug) the day he dumped me, that I deserved someone better. At the time, I thought he really meant it the other way around. Destiny decided for me.
I found someone much better. I lost someone before him; who I loved for 28 years! He died. I almost decided to give-up then too. The special one I have now is totally different from anyone I've ever known! He's sweet, kind, generous; and not that it matters, he's also rich! I'm not going to make anyone the center of my universe, but God. I consider those I love His blessing. I am grateful; but if things should suddenly change, I have my reserve on-hand. I've survived before; and I have the faith to believe I will do it again if I must.
If I can do it; baby-girl, you can do it too!
Much love and comfort to you! May God ease your pain!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 July 2018):
 Please, let him go.
Keep looking. Not for a person, but for your passion, your love, your courage, your goals, your dreams, your happiness, yourself. A HAPPY you will have a much better chance of finding someone (down the line) who will ADD to your life.
Explore yourself before you explore another. Know yourself, know who you want to be, know your worth.
Only then will you know what you need over what you want. You need yourself to become your own.
It's not so strange that you are a bit broken hearted. It was your first relationship. You have to be kind to yourself and STOP contacting him and his family. And stop wishing you can start over. THAT rarely happens.
He is trying to move on as well, IF he hasn't already.
There is no "set in stone" amount of time it takes to get over someone. It's gradual. The fact that he is STILL so much on your mind means that you are still picking at the scab, pouring salt in your own wound. You are still going over all the "what if" scenarios hoping you can pinpoint a way to fix this.
Breaking up with someone you care for is SUPPOSED to hurt. Working through that pain is PART of it.
You CAN love someone and NOT be a good match long term. You two (despite being inexperienced and immature) made it work for 6 years. That is a long time. Which means at some point in time you will meet someone else, someone who hopefully is NOT abusive and aggressive and who is a better match for you.
He isn't the only guy out there who would be a good fit for you.
Chin up.
Just remember the longer you let him rattle around in your head, the longer it will take to move on.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (1 July 2018):
 Given that you started your relationship when you were both very young, the parting of ways was pretty much inevitable. You grew up together and, not unusually, wanted very different things.
It is only to be expected that you will miss him. Assuming he is your first (serious) boyfriend, he will always hold a special place in your heart. However, that does not mean you can't or shouldn't try to move on.
You have made a good start in making new friends and taking up jogging. Exercise of any sort helps to lift your mood, and your friends should also provide support and distraction when you most need it.
You were with this guy for 6 years. You are not going to get over him quickly, especially if you keep holding on to hope for your relationship and keep trying to contact him. It is a good thing he is not returning your calls. He is trying to move on as he realizes your relationship has no future. He MAY miss you but that does not mean he want to be with you.
Be grateful for the time you had together but acknowledge it was not meant to last past your young years. When thoughts of him invade your mind, replace them with thoughts of something which makes you happy NOW.
Sending hugs. It's never easy, particularly with your first serious relationship.
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