| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: 26 years ago, when I was 18, I briefly met a young musician on vacation whose band had just been in the charts. He was about to leave to stay with his parents in another town (he said) and asked me to go with him. Partly because I had no confidence in myself, partly because I didn't believe that's where he was heading, I turned down the offer. However, I soon regretted this and when I got home I sent him a card saying sorry. He wrote a very nice note back straight away but his note didn't seem to encourage further contact, so I didn't reply. After all this time I came across his letter and a photo of him which prompted me to check him out on the internet. He seems to have carved out a good career for himself though it now seems to be flagging. It also turns out that his parents really live where he said they did, so my old suspicion seems to have been unjustified. I sent an e-mail to his current band saying hello but now don't expect an answer. I should also add that I am in a longstanding though 'brotherly' relationship. Still, the thought of him haunts me and keeps me awake at night. I have just found his address, so I am tempted to send him back his letter, photo and a jokey note saying how easy it had been - once again - to track him down and did he want to meet for a drink. It worries me though that this may make him think that I'm some kind of stalker, particularly since I've already sent a general e-mail (which I don't know whether it will get passed on). What should I do???
View related questions:
confidence, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2005): Show business is a high-risk profession. One experiences too much and sees too much. You friend has likely seen his share of obssessive fans, groupies, weirdos & goldiggers. He's likely going to be very cautious & wary with whom he's comes into contact with...even old friends from 26 years ago.
If you want to just contact him to say hello, as a genuine friend...who's stopping you? But you run the risk, that he will not reply back. If you keep contacting him after that..there is a chance that yes, he will think you as being overly obssessive and that will scare him off. Remember, he's had many years experience, dealing with unsavory people. He likely has a well-tuned, self-protective, very cautious attitude, due to his level of fame where fans begin to swarm, track, or target him or others around him obsessively. He knows full well.. the warning signs of a potential stalker!
If the thought of him haunts you and keeps you awake at night Hun, you are bordering on being a bit too fervent & impulsive for this guy...that's not healthy. You haven't seen him 26 years! Suddenly the thought of him is filling your every waking minute? -I can't help feeling you are very unhappy in your own life and you are looking for someone to "fill a empty feeling" you have deep inside your heart. In order to be satisfied and joyful in life, one has to find self-value and love for themselves first. They have to have purpose and surround themselves with loving family, good friends and achieve...grow and flourish in a healthy way. This is what "fills us up"...everyday.
If you contact him again, via e-mail, be honest about your life..let him know you have a partner (or that will come back on you, bigtime) Be a friend..a sincere old friend and take a genuine interest in how he's doing and then-leave it at that. If he doesn't get back to you...then end it and get on with your life.
A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (27 July 2005):
 It seems that you may have built the possibilities up in your mind as you have kind of obsessed about the possibilities. This makes even more sense since you are in a dead end relationship. So after sending the last letter, break it off with your current guy for the sake of setting him free to find someone not obsessed with a fantasy man. We all think back extra fondly to the one that got away and would do it all the more if baggin' him would have added status in the eyes of your friend.
(I still find a way eventually to tell my general soap star repeatedly asking our mutual socialite friend to give him my number because he saw a very airbrushed picture of me, and it has crossed my mind to contact him now that his super model/ super hero wife just left him; but then again who wants to even try to compete with a super hero/ super model? Hell, who wants to ruin his memory of my airbrushed, fantasy self? Why would I even think that our friend was not just trying to set it up and led me to believe more than was true? He asked a few times but I can remember it as . . . He begged for my number because he had to have me. And I will!
Just remember that the people you have around you don't make you who you are- you do. And real life is what actually happens in your life, not the things we imagine could have or can. based on a little history from long ago.
Finally, do this little test on your own reaction. Ask an old friend to remind you of any other vacation romance that the younger you might have had. If they sent a note to you, what would you do? Why not send them a note too? Or is it the fame that calls you? If you answered yes to the last one, consider he will see through you and realize you are going for him but an image of him. So try one real try and if he doesn't contact you back? Game over. He will call if he was into you.
...............................
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (27 July 2005):
I dont think you would be a stalker to contact him once more, but if he doesnt reply this time, you need to forget about him.
I also do not think it is appropriate for you to pursue a relationship with this man while you are still in a relationship with someone else, 'brotherly' or not
...............................
|
