A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm looking for advice from those who ahve perhaps gone through soemthign similar as I have...basically I feel depressed because I feel I can't find a boyfriend. I even signed up for match.com, but have been disappointed with the service. I recently found out my ex-bf I broke up with has found someone new and a guy (who I didn't like in a romantic sense but who was pursuing me) who wanted me to be his g/f has found a new g/f. I know I shouldn't feel bad about these things, but I can't help but feel inadequate or a "what's wrong with me?" feeling that I can't seem to shake off. I feel kind of pathetic that I can't find someone to ahng out with or someone who shares some of my interests. I feel awfully lonely. I would love to have someone great by my side to talk to, but I don't want to seek someone out because I feel desperate or because I feel jealousy that everyone else has a great guy but me. I am about to begin my student teaching so that I can get my certification and master's degree (a dual degree grad. program) and I know that that's a lot of work and I probably shouldn't bother looking for someone I won't be able to spend time with in any case, yet I feel lonely, I feel I need to be able to talk to someone sometimes. I don't know what to do to not feel like I must ahve a boyfriend or to get rid of this loneliness that can feel so devastating at times. I know I'm going to train to be a teacher soon, but I also don't wnat to go through my whole school career alone without someone calling me and asking me how everyhing is going or if I had a good day or not or coming by to see me when I've had a hard day. It's been almost 2 years since I've broke up with my last ex-boyfriend. I'm 23 now and I ahve gone out with guys here and there who ahve asked me out from church but it has never worked out---I've never felt comfortable enough to be their gfs or anything serious come from it. I even tried speed dating! I don't wnat to throw myself out that much and look as desperate as I feel, but I just feel I am studying and commuting back and forth from school and work that I don't have a chance to meet a lot of guys or people that would be serious relationship potentials, and it's making me feel worse and worse. I'm sorry this is so long, but I have been thinking about this for so long that I just needed to express it. Does anyone have any suggestions?
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, jealous, my ex, speed dating Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angel of love  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 I'm kind of riding that same boat. I've been single for a while and I felt sad because I didn't have the comfort I did when I was dating someone. The feeling is strong and it feels like it can't go away without a boy by your side. You and I both know that it's not true. Love will find you again when the time is right. Just live your life and do what you have to do right now. You are looking for love...what you should try to do is stop looking. Let love find you.
A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (28 August 2008):
 Hi,
Relax.
You're only 23, life's not over! In fact, life has barely begun when you think about how long people are living for these days.
I understand you feel lonely; being on your own can not only be boring, but demoralising. We all like to come home to see someone; be it friend, family or partner.
But I think you're getting ahead of yourself here. You don't need to find a partner; you need to find some more friends first.
You often find a partner when you're out with your friends; it's often the case that vigorously searching for a partner leads nowhere. You usually find your perfect partner when you're not really looking.
But if you do really do want find a partner now, you need to do something more about it -- joining match.com was a start -- you said the service was disappointing, but did you really give it a chance? If you did, then fair enough; but don't give up on it just because you have had a poor service from it so far; I know people who have had success with it and other dating sites.
Remember that you don't just submit a form and then two minutes later your perfect partner comes out -- life's more complicated than that! You have to keep trying.
Your life sounds busy already, but maybe think about joining evening classes in courses that interest you or you have a passion for -- that way you meet people who share your interests and people who you are more likely to get along with. That way you make more friends; and just maybe you may meet someone which could potentially lead to more...
Take care and good luck
...............................
|
