A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How long til I can finally get my ex out of my head? We were only together two years, during which time we had a relatively up and down relationship, mainly due to circumstances. He was close to his ex which I didn't like, I often put my friends first which he didn't like, but we got on well and when things were good, they were incredibly good. We split up 18 months ago, it was all a bit strange. We says any argued or anything but felt like we'd drifted apart so sat down together and decided to call it a day. We agreed no more contact which should have been easy as we live 80 miles away from eachother. 2 weeks later I had a call out the blue from him to say he missed having me to talk to and how well we got on and practically begged us to remain friends. I was happy with this and for the next couple of days he text me on and off just seeing how I was etc. about a week later he called and we spoke about his problems at work and he ended the call saying he was so glad we were able to remain friends as he felt like I was the only one who understood him. Since that day I've never heard a word from him. He never text or called me again. I've tried contacting him a few times but I've been completely ignored. This was 18 months ago. I'm now with someone new who adores me and who I'm so very happy with and have been for the past 6 months. Yet every morning when I wake my mind instantly turns to my ex. It's the same before bed. I find myself constantly thinking of him and wondering what he's up to. I'm genuinely very happy with my life as it is, but wish I could stop thinking of him. What can I do?
View related questions:
at work, his ex, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): The heart wants what it cant have. I would not call him, but just send him one last message, wishing him well and will respect his distant and not contact him again. This is your way of saying your last peace to him.
Dont contact him again. Also write a pros and cons column about this ex. Also write a pros and cons column about the new guy. You will then have your answer why u are with this new guy and not the ex.
It also helps when teh ex pops into your mind, you need to immediately stop, and refocus. Eventually you will stop thinking about the ex.
A
female
reader, Romanilove  +, writes (28 February 2013):
I feel the same way. I can't stop thinking about my ex. OUr relationship was very up and down and when we were good, it was heaven . Otherwise it was hell. Ive never felt such a close connection with anyone before in my life. I wouldn't dare make contact because I feel he would ignore me. (he would ignore me during fights) . Its been so long and I do not want to lower myself . It isnt worth it.
Ive been to therapy and am even dating someone else but Im not full filled. I think of him often and cry often . Its been 7 months that we've broke up and we were only together for 1 year. Im really at a loss of what to do. I know it takes time, but im just so sad :(
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2013):
 If he ignores you completely then you have his final answer so to speak.
he's done.
many times folks say "let's be friends" as a way to ease their pain of breaking up.... it's never a good thing... I've never seen it really happen and when I see ex partners being friends I have to admit that they are people I don't deem emotionally stable in other parts of their lives...
If you have tried to contact him and he won't take your calls or texts or emails, then that's his answer...
you will have to make your own closure...
perhaps a bit of therapy to work through the feelings you have...
are you angry
are you hurt
what is it that you feel ... why do you care what he's up to?
do you want him to miss you? or would you rather wander through life hoping he never thinks of you...
let's write your own closure...
let's pretend you can have this conversation any way you like...
you say "hey what happened to us?"
and he says "here you type what you WANT him to say"
then you can figure out based on knowing him for two years what you think he would say... and figure out which of the two works better for you
since he's not around you can put any words you want in his mouth.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 February 2013):
 I would offer a slight variance upon what Cerebus suggests. Mine (suggestion) is this:
Sit down and WRITE A LETTER TO HIM. In it, explain how attached you were to him... and how disappointed you were that he and you didn't make it as a couple. Tell him that you still consider him a "friend"... and that you wish that you and he really were "friends"... that is, you saw and spoke to one-another... travelled in the same circle(s)... and, generally, were closer than you (and he) are now.....
Then, take the letter and put it in a dresser drawer overnight.... The following morning, take the letter from the drawer and take it to someplace where you can safely burn it... and DO SO (burn it)....
The symbolic purging of him, from your mind, should allow you to go on in life with him - and your ill-fated relationship - in your rear-view mirror....
Good luck.......
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): Thank you for your reply Cerberus. That's just it, he ignores me entirely. A few weeks ago I thought I would give him one last try to get some closure but he simply won't answer. I just don't understand it :(
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): Sounds like you just need closure OP. He said he wanted to be friends, everything seemed fine, then he disappeared.
Make one last phone call OP, find out what happened and why he suddenly disappeared, answer those questions in your mind and then you make the decision to end all contact, you know you can't be friends with him, you know your current boyfriend would probably be devastated if he knew you still thought so regularly about your ex so you know friendship is not possible.
Do not meet up with him, do not let him contact you anymore after that one time and just get your answers and be done with it.
Get your closure the move on with your life OP.
...............................
|
