A
female
age
36-40,
*haunadior
writes:I have just turned 24 and its annoying me that i have never had a boyfriend i get told nice things about my looks and people are shocked i dont have a boyfriend, i just dont get it. I am shy but i thought if a guy liked you he would make a point of coming over and talk to you?? but no fella ever does :( lol maybe i come across wrong i don't know, its so confusing to me , what do guys like in girls?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): I was in the same situation as you. I didn't start dating until i was 23. I was very shy and had no confidence. If you have a group of girlfriends to go out with it would help. I didn't at the time. Guys may like you but they still can be a little timid in coming over to you!I tried internet dating to meet people. It worked. I did meet some guys that turned out to be real jerks but not long after found one who i've been with for 3 years. As hard as it is, you need to put yourself out there. I didn't go out much, wasn't invovled in any clubs etc so it was hard to meet new people. I was also told by my BF that men can be quite shy in approaching girls. In my case, as i am tall (i would be over 6ft in heels) they would be intimitated - even he said he never had the courage to come up to a girl who was quite tall. Be approachable, be friendly, try internet dating (just be safe). But also remember, do not believe everything the first guy you like says. I did and they know you are inexperienced and they lead you on and because you dont really know any better you believe them. Just trust your gut instinct when it happens! It will.
A
male
reader, human_male +, writes (23 October 2012):
 I agree with the others who say you need to be more proactive. I know it seems like for some women the guys just come up to them without any effort on their part, but it's not like that for everyone.
First, just generally socialise more to help you with your shyness. Go to places where you can meet men in a relaxed atmosphere. Learn to talk to men, ask them about themselves and show interest in the things they're interested in. Make eye contact. Smile. Whatever you do when you're talking to someone don't just look at the floor and mumble whenever they talk to you.
And if there's someone in particular you like then try saying hello to them. chigirl is right that you have to signal your interest, or at least come across as friendly and approachable. Nothing puts a guy off approaching someone more than total indifference on her part, and that's the signal women give off most of the time... "I don't know you exist". You can't expect someone to march up to you and start talking to you if that's the signal you're putting out.
Let me give you an example. I work at a school, and there was a very cute young teacher working there. I liked her but I would never just approach someone without some encouragement. But it so happened that's what she gave me. She simply made a point of smiling and saying hi Phil whenever she saw me, like we passed in the hall or something. That's all she did. She didn't have to chat with me or flirt, she just said hello. And after a little while I felt brave enough to ask her out for a coffee. The point is I would NOT have done that if she hadn't been so friendly to me.
And if you're a shut-in and you just don't meet guys then you're going to have to make an effort to socialise. There's a website called meetup.com that has social groups for a lot of subjects that might be a good place to start. If you're in Auckland there's a good anxiety group, which is mostly people who have social anxiety and shyness. My point is you have to maximise your socialising potential. Going out with the girls isn't the best way to meet guys because not very many men, when they're sober at least, have the courage to march up to a group of girls and start talking to them.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Guys aren't mind readers. They might like you, but they rarely have the courage to just walk up to you and ask you out unless you've hinted to them that you like them and want them to ask you out.
Why haven't YOU asked out a guy YOU like? Every guy is thinking exactly like you, sitting there wondering why you don't make any moves... And his reasons for not just walking up to you are the exact same as your reasons for not just walking up to him.
Guys aren't born with the courage of lions, and most are afraid of rejection, same as everyone else. They wont just up and ask you out unless you've given them the green light to do so.
In essence: you need to flirt.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Well as you say yourself you are shy so this might actually stop guys from getting to know you as they are unsure about how to approach you. Maybe you need to take some time and gain self confidence and assurance. Guys usually are attracted to girls who are confident and they can spot it before a girl even opens her mouth.
Also it should not also be up to a guy to make the first move. Men appreciate it when women show interest as well so I guess if you are looking for a relationship you need to make an effort as well in getting to know someone or making the first move. Good luck.
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