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male
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anonymous
writes: I am trapped in the marriage that I never ever thought will turn out to be like this (just married 6 months).Basically the core of the problem are many, among them is that she is so obsessive about money, she sees everything as money, lives and work for money, here you might say don’t we all, we have to earn to live, that is true but her mission in life has become just her work and herself , I am just there to entertain her and give her emotional support, which I have done so to date. It is all about her being satisfied , and everything has to be her way and still she never be satisfied. It is always something , it never happens that I do something positive and she doesn’t put some negative comments in to it, she wants to say she is the clever one, and she is, but I think I never come short of her, and she doesn’t like that. She just want to be the centre of attention, but she doesn’t know how to handle herself in the crowd, she just start talking about how good she is, and her achievements, which really puts people off. No wonder she hasn’t got many friends around her. This marriage has become all about me making so much effort and but so much emotion and love in to it, and in return not being appreciated or loved, she think everything I do is a duty and it has to be like that. Now I think because she knows that I am no longer obeying to her will and stupid rules, she has started a plan of leaving me, but she wants to do it when the time is right for her, meaning to make sure she is fully secured and then break the news to me. We are fighting all the time, because she never wants to listen and just want to order.You might say why despite knowing all of these, I am not leaving her? The answer is I think I still love her, but I don’t think I can ever change her, on the other hand I feel I will look so silly and stupid in front my friend and family to break up this marriage after just 6 months! I just felt so let down, I really don’t know what I have done with my life, I used to be very happy. She was so nice to me at the beginning, and not showing her true inside, and she did that so cleverly, and I fall for it, once she got me, she changed and the problem is she thought I am going to put up with that unreasonable attitude of her, but soon she finds out that I am not, and I am standing my grounds. Don’t know what to do now and what should be my next move?
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (20 September 2006):
 I think you tell here what you have put here.
You say you dont want to look silly to others by admitting that this isnt working... Why is that ? If something is that bad why stay in it to save face ?? Thats not what living or a marriage is about.
Now you say you think shes planning on leaving you because your not adhering to her every move... if stuff is that bad get in first!! Its not fair to be treated like this and well if shes going to end it if you dont do as she says, then whats the point to this marriage ? Wheres the teamwork, wheres the compromise, wheres the caring, wheres the anything from what you have written ? Hun its not a marriage sounds more like a challenge to her! One she felt she had to climb!
You either need to go to counselling together about this or you need to and get some self esteem back.. Dont let her win, yes it was all flowers and romance and a love story when you got together and now its all gone very much tits up by the sound of it so are you going to sit and wallow, letting her do this to you ?? So far shes called all the shots, how about you call one for a change, you shouldnt care about what others think, this is about you, your life, if she is that unreasonable and you cant see a way back,then do what you have to do! I cant wave a wand and make her change, but a counsellor may open her eyes to how she is behaving, if she refuses, be the bigger man in this and kick her out, .. sorry i know im coming across all dramtic and so on, but the fact is hun, i aint gonna pander to you, yes it hurts, you love her, shes a cow though.. you said she is, and look what shes doing to you.. making you weak.. dont let her!!
Stand tall and make her listen, if she refuses to see where you are coming from then what is left for you ? just sit and wait until she walks out ? sitting there wondering what shes gonna do, when shes gonna go.. what sort of fun is that ?? NONE! What sort of marriage is that ? Dont let her make you feel this way, act stronger than this and take the reins back on your life, see a counsellor yourself first, you might not think it will help but I think it will, it will make you view this from a totally different pespective.. with a bit of luck it might make her realise you mean business and you might just get back the women you first married.. shes pushed and pushed and so far you have taken it but let her see she cant do this to you, dont let her walk all over you, its so easy to do when we love someone, dont let her bring you down anymore...
Good luck
Take care x
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 September 2006):
 You received excellent responses to this problem when you posted on Sept. 12th. Maybe you are just venting and not really looking for advice???
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