A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've been seeing my current girlfriend for a little over a year now. we have an absolutely wonderful and loving relationship. she's my best friend.with all of that being said, she has informed me that more than likely, she's going to spend 8 months in saudi, from december until august. it will be a wonderful opportunity for her and i'm very happy for her. at the same time, on the inside, which i haven't shared with her, i feel awful at the thought of her going away for that long. it's a very bittersweet feeling for me. and not only that, but she's also always talked about wanting to join the peace corps, as well. that would be in about another year and a half once she finished all of her schooling. so basically, if she also did join the peace corps, she'd be gone for 8 months, come back for about 8 months, and leave again for another two years. i love her so much, i honestly can't see my life with anyone else. but i also don't know if i can see myself spending that much time (years) away from the person i love. any opinions on what others would do in my shoes? thanks in advance.
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male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (3 October 2013):
 you need to let her know how you feel about her, let her know that you feel awful at the thought of her being gone that long. you need to open up now not wait until she is gone. let her know what you are feeling, how you feel about her, and what it is doing to you "the thought of her being away from you."
" i love her so much, i honestly can't see my life with anyone else." , " what others would do in my shoes?" i would be opening my heart up to her and letting her know how i truly felt about her, and how i honestly felt about her going away, and being away. i would open my heart and pour out my true feeling too her, and let her know that you can't see your life without her, or with anyone else. let her know you are heart sick over this news.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2013): I would encourage her to go, for the sole reason that a relationship based on fettering each other can't be a healthy one. It does suck, and I would never choose myself to be away from my man for that long -- but if she feels the same way about you, that won't change while she's in a different country. Revisit the Peace Corps option as that moves closer (she may change her mind, or maybe she's just tossing ideas around in her head), but deal with this now. You can be honest while still encouraging her to go. Tell her that it'll be very hard for you to be away from her, and you'd like to visit at least once (that is a lot of money, but even broke people in love can somehow come up with the cash). Maybe she can come back at least once, too. That means you see her every 2.5 months. More tolerable, right? And you can get in touch with each other in a different way by writing exhaustingly long handwritten letters -- I have been excited to be away from various crushes over the years for this very reason! Nothing compares to getting a hefty letter from your sweetie with a dried flower inside...well, except them being with you. But you know what I'm saying, there are fun ways to sweeten the deal. I don't know your girlfriend, but I know that I did and still toss MANY MANY career ideas around my head and eventually out the window. If I mention wanting to be a professor of evolutionary biology one day, a counselor the next day, etc., people should take it with a couple grains of salt. It's all still in the brainstorming phase. Do you know how serious she is about the Peace Corps? Not how serious she SAYS she is, but how serious she really is, knowing her. Let this part go for now, and let her evolve on her own. It may well change, and if it doesn't, you two will presumably be much more serious in another 1.5 years, and you can together revisit solutions that let her do humanitarian work but don't rip you apart. Maybe you could go with. You never know. I would stay with her, and see how well you two can handle her Saudi visit. Don't worry about everything else for now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2013): Go with her. I work in the same field and have seen it time and time again, and been through it myself. If you love her, 8 months is sustainable, especially if you can see her in the middle... But when you're looking at years, it won't work unless you're together no matter how much you want it to. So if you really love her, join her on her big adventure. You can't expect her to give up her dreams, afterall, i bet that's one of the main reasons you love her! Take the leap, go too. It could be the best thing you ever did. I was engaged to someone i loved dearly, but after two years of being apart, it was just too painful to sustain. We couldnt use skype cause of rubbish third world internet connection, calling was crazy expensive, and the most time we went without seeing each other was six months. If he'd been willing to get out of his comfort zone and take a leap of faith i reckon we'd be married by now. You only live once. You have no control over your girlfriend's big dreams and i bet deep down you wouldn't want to. Time to ask yourself if you're up for a life with someone this adventurous or not. Don't live to regret the big opportunities :) good luck.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 October 2013):
I think you should speak to her about the relationship and ask about its future. If you can't handle being away from someone for so long it might be better to end things. Her career or so seems very demanding in this way and at the same time, you wouldn't want to force someone to change their life goals.
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