A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He has told his two best friends about me, but that's it. His other friends don't even know I exist. I haven't met any of his friends except his two best friends (and only then because we were classmates). My friends knew about us but after he said he didn't trust one of my best friends, I was forced to tell her (and them) that he and I were just friends. When he told me about his dislike about one of my friends, he also told me that if he and I were to ever break up, I was supposed to tell everyone that we were just friends.And recently, he got mad that I didn't care at all about this girl who used to like him (and whom he rejected) adding me on facebook (I accepted her request). When I explained that the reason I was okay with her was because I didn't feel threatened and because he already rejected her. He got even more angry. Eventually he told me that he wasn't comfortable with her reading our wallposts to each other and the like. He also said that he couldn't understand how I got along with people he hates. Which is not true, I don't get along well with them, but as I have no reason to hate them, I've always been polite.But after our little fight, and the way he said he wasn't comfortable with the girl reading our wallposts ... I felt a little more bothered. He doesn't want people to know about us. But he's always affectionate to me in public. We hold hands, hug, kiss ... He doesn't care that people can see, he doesn't push me away. But WHY the secrecy? We've been dating for five months.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): He's a vain, self absorbed control freak- he wants ALL your devotion and emotion... He wants everyone to bow down to him... The fact you're not that bothered, fraternising with people he doesn't want to be SEEN with or associate with is embarrassing and makes him look weak. It's all about him- what about YOUR dignity and YOUR feelings? The lower down you are, the higher he'll feel.
Sorry but for whatever stupid reason he doesn't want to be associated with you...Leave this loser to his sad complex, he has issues...
And I second wise owl, what a summary-
"Your friends are there for you. He will force you to get rid of everyone who supports you. What if he decides to also get rid of you? Who will be there to support and standby you?
Get rid! :) xx
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (3 October 2013):
 Aunty Honeypie is right.
Why doesn't he want people to know about you? But to be honest I can't think of any good reason why people shouldn't know.
It sounds as if he's ashamed of you or embarrassed about the relationship. What a horrible way to treat someone!
I also agree that he sounds bossy, controlling and unreasonable.
I think it's strange to have people that you hate but to expect your partner to hate them too is ridiculous!
You've been together 5 months, he wants to keep you secret, wants you to hate the people he does, like the people he does, and only talk to and see who he wants you too.
You say he will show you affection in public, given his other behaviour this is ringing alarm bells.
He wants others to see him as an affectionate, sweet, caring boyfriend when behind closed doors he's different.
This is so that others can't see the man he really is and how he really treats you, therefore finding it hard to believe such a doting man could be nasty to you.
I believe this control will escalate into bullying and then further into domestic abuse.
My advice would be get out now while you can.
You deserve better.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2013): He seems to be exhibiting controlling behavior. He doesn't have the right to choose your friends, and decide which of your friends he likes or dislikes.
If this young man doesn't want people to know about you, then maybe you should forget about him.
Your friends are there for you. He will force you to get rid of everyone who supports you. What if he decides to also get rid of you? Who will be there to support and standby you?
Maybe this isn't the right boy for you.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (3 October 2013):
 Definitely sounds odd, but all anyone here can do is speculate as to why he might do that.
If it's bothering you (and I don't see why it wouldn't be), you need to ask him.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 October 2013):
 Ask him straight out. WHY is our relationship a secret. IF you don't like the answer or he doesn't want to give one, maybe you need to end it.
He seems a bit controlling and not really trusting of you.
Does your parents know? Does his?
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