| A
male
,
*om
writes: This sounds like a cliche but I feel that I need help to get it out of my system. I have fallen for a member of my staff. She is 10 years younger blond, slim attractive and available. I have been married and faithful (ish) for 21 years so there's the cliche.I have always liked Gill but never felt that I registered with her emotioanlly so it was a case of admired from afar rather than unrequietd love. On a recent work night out. Gill led me off at the end of the night. We spent a couple of quite sensitive hours together in my hotel room (no sex) discussing our feelings for each other. Gill told me that she was drawn to me and missed me when ever I was away from the office. I told her how much I liked her but of course she had worked that one out for herself. We kised and canoodled and said good night. The next day was easier than I thought but we decided we had crossed a boundary and we had to step back. We did not do that completely and started texting each other and had a couple of lunch dates and then just when it looked like the inevitable affair would happen Gill pulled back completely for all the right reasons. By this time I was verging on the besotted and would have seriously considered put my marriage and indeed work at risk to take it further. It would now seem that Gill feels that she has come to her senses and that in fact the attraction was not as strong as she thought not withstanding the complications. It has been so difficult coming to terms with this. I have been like a love sick puppy with my heart beating everytime she comes any where near my office and I don't think this has impressed her. We are acting as friends and in fact get on unbelievebly well as I guess we always have done. I dont think I will get over this whilst we work together. Indeed even though my head says that what really never got off the ground has no chance my heart still wants to make an impression and win her round. She tells me that although married once she had never been in love and I seem to have made it my life's ambition to get her to fall in love with me. I dont want her to leave as she is invaluable in my business and almost irreplacable and she would not want to. It is my business so I am going nowhere. My own marriage has suffered from this as I have remembered what love is. I have been happily maried but have never been IN love with my wife and I am starting to question whether regardless of Gill whether I want to live with my wife for another 20 years. I have a fabulous wife and family but what I want more than anything is to win Gill over and can't let it go even though every bone in my body screams that I have to let go.Can you help meThanksTom
View related questions:
affair, ambition, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, salsa_de_tomate18 +, writes (20 July 2005):
If your wife IS so fabulous then may I pose the question of why you cheated on her? I just can't help wondering why you'd do something like that. It is very selfish and it seems to me that you just want to have your cake and eat it. What would you do if the tables were turned and it was your wife who were cheating on you with a 25 year old stud of a man with more stamina than you've got? My guess is you'd probably hate it and faced with the real threat of your marriage ending I think you're run a mile - AWAY FROM THIS VERY ATTRACTIVE BLONDE (which I might add is all I seem to hear in about her positve attributes that has you so overwhelmed). All I've got to say is if you don't get yourself in check you'll be shipping out away from your comfortable life with your "fabulous" wife. I have no sympathy for you.
A
male
reader, Tom +, writes (15 July 2005):
Thanks for some great answers/comments. It was very therapeutic to have committed my thoughts to paper so to speak and to have interested outsiders give their views is so helpful I cannot tell you. As I type I await Gills morning visit with the post and we are getting on great. I know its in everybodies interest to keep it that way. What I have to say is that 3 months down the line it still feels like the real thing for me but I know its not even approaching that for Gill. If it did to be honest I would be in trouble as I am very much a heart ruling the head person. I think I can handle it though and will and am working at my marraige but you guys have helped. Thanks again.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2005): Dear Tom, Dont do it bro, it isnt worth it, throwing away twenty years of Marriage for some short excitment, It doesnt sound like Gil would be in it for long term so where would that leave you-chasing other conquests all the while carrying a big empty feeling inside from breaking up your current family, of course you may not realize the loss until way after its to late to repair the un-repairable damage left. Think wisely before proceeding, and yes the best romance/sex is in our heads as illusion, You get all this free advice from a fellow bro that had the twenty year marriage and threw it all away. Peace! Lata
...............................
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (14 July 2005):
If you want to pursue your relationship with Gill, you have to leave your wife.
...............................
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (13 July 2005):
 It seems to me that your marriage is stale and you have been after a bit of excitement. You found this in Gill but she perhaps found you more attractive when you weren't trying in vain to get her attention. Now that she knows you want her, the challenge seems to have lessened for her.
She has played a bit of a cruel game, almost like leading you on in a way but she was right to pull out. You must too.
Look seriously at your marriage. Is there anything you can do to improve it? Do you want to improve it or is it time to leave? Consider everything here, perhaps marriage guidance, different ways of adding spice to your relationship, the impact if you leave.
Stop being so preoccupied with Gill and think more about what you want from your future. Concentrate on that and your marriage instead.
You must know this isn't fair on your wife, she doesn't deserve you being unfaithful. You need to either work hard with your wife to achieve a better relationship or consider leaving and starting afresh.
Good luck with your decision.
...............................
|
