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anonymous
writes: Hi, I've been dating this girl for one year and three months. We've had a wonderful relationship, and agree that we both love each other. The problem is this though, She hasn't dated really anyone before me. A few weeks ago she tells me that she wants to date other people, and I was OK with that. A week later, she says she still wants to be with me and we got back together. A week from that she met another guy, and left me instantly. We're best friends and we talk daily. I love her and I know she needs space. But she tells me she still loves me and always will. What do I do with that? Anyone experienced something like this before?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Lou, writes (23 March 2005): Hey.It sounds like you are aching over this girl to be with you. Why? Firstly if you say you love someone, you don't leave them for someone else within seconds. That's not what love is. I would imagine she appreciated you saying it was ok to date others, this was obviously what she had in mind and she did it. With your authorisation. Don't waste time thinking of this girl. Her thoughts are on her new man. That may sound a bit harsh but my answer is given on what you have provided. She is very lucky to have a man who is willing to let her see other poeople, come back when she's done, leave again and then be her best friend. Wow! Don't do this to yourself. She may say she loves you but do you honestly not think her actions suggest something else? Perhaps she does love you, but is she IN love with you? From what you have said, i think she may love you but not be in love. Give her space, be her friend if you want, but my advice is leave the relationship bit part out of the equation. If you want a relationship find someone who likes you for you and wants to be with you. You deserve that!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (23 March 2005):
 You don't say how old she is but I am assuming that she is quite young. I think it is a simple case that she wants to become more experienced with affairs of the heart and you are the back up when the need arises. I'm sorry to be so blunt but she probably does love you in her own way but by being her support you are allowing her to use you. It is fine to chat but I think you need to tell her how you feel. She may always do this and keep going back to you. You could hang around and wait until this relationship fizzles out and be there for her again but what about your life? I think it is time for you to have more of a life and meet new people, get out and about a bit. Eventually you will have to consider whether you will want to take her back again after she has been with someone else. You will need to think seriously about your future.I hope this helps you.
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