A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I live with my boyfriend of 2 years, love him a lot, we've had our problems like everyone else. About a month ago I was extremely drunk and kissed another guy, not passionately just a drunken kiss, neither of us meant it and both feel really really awful and are petrified it will come out. A mutual friend of mine and my boyfriend's has told me he seen us and my secret is safe with him to which I have completely denied, he has only mentioned it to me when drunk.After days and days of extreme guilt and feeling sick to my stomach, I toyed with the idea of telling my boyfriend and came very very close, the guy I kissed has pleaded I don't tell as he knows my boyfriend. I have everything to lose with my boyfriend, a house, a future if I confess to a tiny druken kiss that meant nothing and barely happened plus it would really upset my boyfriend (as it would me if it was the other way round), if the guy who saw us ever mentions it to my boyfriend (which I do doubt he will-it was 4 weeks ago now and he hasn't mentioned it, only to me when drunk) I will deny it - his word against mine right?. The only thing is I feel awful for lying to my boyfriend but feel I have to, otherwise I'll lose everything I've always wanted to a stupid stupid mistake... the only one I've ever ever made with him, I love him with all my heart I really do and I hate lies but feel I have no other option. I feel that if I tell my boyfriend it will seem like it was something bigger than what actually happened. I just feel guilty for my lips touching another blokes and for lying, I wasn't turned on or didn't want to take it any further, it was just a stupid kiss? Help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): It's too late to confess now. Don't let it bother you too much. If it comes out, it comes out. If/when it does come out your boyfriend will be mad. Deal with his anger like a punishment. Take it and move on. But I seriously doubt it would end your relationship. If he's ok with you goin out to drink he's probably secure enough with you. Also guys almost never look deeper than than what actually physically took place. It won't make any difference if you tell him "it didn't mean anything." But it also means he would probably see it as "just a kiss."
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 a few yrs ago, my current boyf went on holidays, had a really drunken night, and kissed a girl, it meant nothing. he came back, things were completely normal for months, i found out one night that he had done this to me about it. we argued - not because he had kissed someone, i understand drunken mistakes, but about the fact that he had lied to me for so long. we are still together but it was very hard for me for a while. to this day i wish he had just told me. see wat im saying? a drunken, messy kiss is no reason to ruin a relationship, a breach of trust is. tell him the truth, he should understand, ask for his forgiveness, make it clear exactly wat it was - or wasnt for that matter, and reassure him that you love him and never wanted to hurt him. hopefully he will forgive you - after all no one is perfect!! good luck hun, hope everything works out!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 A relationship built on a lie is destined to crumble. Better you tell him, than he hears it from someone else, and he will.
I also suggest that you and your friends STOP DRINKING. Being drunk does not make it OK. It makes you all stupid and liable to do things you regret.
Stop drinking, as it is the only way your bf will ever learn to trust you again.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Ok, so you have learned a lesson that will be with your forever. Keep it to yourself and continue to say it didnt happen, who gets hurt. Even the bloke you kisses is saying dont tell. I would just keep quiet about it and if it does come out in the future then stand fast and say nothing happened and the person telling the story is just making it up to make a mess. This little white lie is acceptable in my book. Stick to your guns and dont tell.
take care
xx
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