A
female
age
30-35,
*elples
writes:After my boyfriend and I broke up, I went to my best friend for comfort. She helped me, but there were times when she was tired of hearing me sob about him, so she didn't console me as much. During this time, my boyfriend started talking to her to find out more about me since I ignored him in order to move on. After time, we started talking again. However, I didn't move on as I planned. He's my first love. He changed to a completely different person. Anyways, I was having troubles with some of the reasons for why we broke up and it still upset me. The time was only two months when we started talking again, so I probably didn't give it enough time to forget about the past. The main point is I had a feeling that whenever he was sad or upset about us, she would ask him and try to "console" him as well. She stopped talking to me as much. I started suspecting she wasn't saying nice things about me. After talking to my boyfriend about it, he told me the things she was saying, "She's immature. She overreacts. She doesn't deserve you." I remember going to one of his games, and she was there which was rare. I asked what was she doing there, she said, "I'm here for that sexy guy only!" pointing to my boyfriend while he was up. There were many times she would put her arms around him. Even though she has her own boyfriend, I never thought she liked my boyfriend in that way. Still, it bugged me. The things she was telling him while supposedly being my best friend? And all this? And then when she did talk to me, she pretended like everything was perfect. I couldn't take it after she wrote me a message on the back of her picture filled with such hypocrisy. I confronted her, and we ended up not talking. She didn't even want to talk about it. I don't remember exactly what I said since it was a while ago. I vented out all my feelings and all she said was "Thanks." We didn't talk, my boyfriend barely talked to her after that. He told her, according to people that were around, "(My name) is my girlfriend. I like her despise her faults or what you say. I'm not going to break up with her." Until last week, she texted me while I was away for summer classes at a college. She was telling me how much she misses me, she's had so many dreams with me in it and that she should have put up a fight. I didn't want to be mean so I said it's all right. But deep inside, I was still upset at the things she was telling my boyfriend-leaving me, while she pretended to be a true best friend in front of my face. I came home this weekend, along with one of our mutual friends who hung out with her and a group of people this past monday. That day, she asked if I wanted to go watch a movie that night, I said I couldn't and asked what movie. It turned out to be a movie I had seen twice already. Then she asked, what did I have plan? I told her I'd be hanging out with my boyfriend- it was going to be the first time I actually would hang out with him since I got back. I didn't want to miss the opportunity especially since he's leaving pretty soon to college out of state. Anyways, the next day, the mutual friends texts me and basically tells me that she was talking about me saying, "She's changed. She's super sensitive now." She didn't say how, but the mutual friend assumed it was because of my whole boyfriend thing. After that, another person added to it, and they continued on and others just nodded their heads, according to this mutual friend... She never found out that I knew what she said behind my back to him. I think she still thinks that it's because I was jealous she was hanging out with my boyfriend. Either way, it upsets me that even NOW she is still saying things behind my back. I don't even want to talk to her.. But I don't know what to think about this. It'd be helpful to hear others opinions on the matter please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): this so called friend wasn't your friend after all. she maybe had designs on your bf. i think it is best that you stop all contact with her. she maybe also jealous that both you and him are back together again. i think the current word is - toxic- she is not go for you. and i think she will continously "attack" you with comments. if you can talk to her and tell her you are choosing not to be friends anymore. you expected more from your friendship with her. also tell her that frienship doesn't mean backbiting and backstabbing. there comes a time in our lives when we have to make hard decisions and eliminate so called friends from our lives. just think of it like this- you had a few seasons of friendship with her, that season is over and so is the friendship. move on to healthier relationship. do not bad mouth this girl, just be indifferent to her exitence. cut her out of your life completely. you don't have to bitchy about it though. and work on the bf aspect of your life. work on this relationship and give it your best shot.
A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (13 August 2009):
Honey it is quite apparent she isn't really your friend after all. Sometimes you can't tell a person all of your relationship business because they will use it against you, or it is a possibility that she may start to like your man. You should have pulled her card when you seen her at the game she is in the wrong and now she is trying to rally others around her to agree so she won't think she is doing anything wrong. I say let her go if she contacts you again let her know where you stand and just move on life is too short to have a friend stabbing you in the back every time you turn around. She likes your man and wants to hook up with him and she doesn't care how you feel. Let your other friends know how you feel and that you don't want her to be apart of your life anymore. It sounds like they are not trying to be in the middle of what you guy's have created. Go off with your bf and be happy and forget about a friendship with her in the future its not worth the stress.
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