A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So the guy ive been having sex with like has a problem busting..cumming or whatever. Like he can but it seriously takes him like at least an hour. This has become a problem with the fact that I cant have sex that long so i always stop before at least an hour and he gets so mad cause he never gets to finish. does anyone know what I or we should do? and why is this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): p.s. why are you with him if he doesn't care
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): Hey,I think most women learn to cum...many don't learn til they are older. In my experience it is actually pretty rare for a woman not to cum. When I say cum I am refering to by yourself as well. Those statistics about cumming are about with a partner during sex ( which is much more rare). Does he go down on you? Anyway, I am not there and in the end you know the situation more than I. It seems to me you will have to talk to him but it doesn't seem as if you guys are a very good match in bed. THat can be very frustrating. I still believe that your problems are connected. I feel for you sister. However the whole it just happens approach is a very disengaged way to look at it. Over 60% woman masterbate ( they aren't doing it for no reason)and those woman know how to tell thier lovers what feels good ( as well as learning what does it for them). While they may not cum during sex they have a higher likely hood and certainly many do from oral. As far as your guy, if it is from masterbation as you suspect, the way to deal with that is to lay off and the sensitivity returns. It sounds as if you care and you are trying but I still think you should explore your sexuality and get him engaged in your pleasure. At the very least you will both walk away from the relationship better lovers than you were before. It is very hard for a guy to ask a woman that question because it comes off as needy and insecure. My current girl will just start begging me and then telling me to cum on her when she wants me to and it is kind of a turn on. ( we kinda dirty talk sometimes along with love stuff.)Guys like to be told what to do in bed and for the most part love hearing that stuff.Anyway good luck, I'm not sure I really have anymore advice except to say again. I was on the other side of that and it is frustrating and the reason I had trouble comming is cause I didn't feel like she was enjoying herself and it felt useless. She was a very shy girl, never masturbated and was, I think, too selfconcious to relax and that lack of trust interfered with me getting off. It is hard to lose control and cum when your partner never does...kinda like going to a pool party in speedos and everybody else is wearing clothes. Then again there are alot of selfish, small minded guys that don't care enough to notice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionive only came once with him. but weve been having sex for 2 years. when i did cum it was towards the very end. he hasnt seemed to care through out the entire 2 years that i was getting off or whatever. and I mean he has came a few times before but it seems like that was in the very beginning but it was like all the time just once in a while. And its very rare for girls to cum, i mea ive heard that some dont even get to expierence their first one til there like in their 30s. I cant make myself learn how to itll just happen when it happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): I suspected that this was a case of you not coming. For a man who cares about you and wants to be a good lover getting you to come is the payout. Maybe not everytime but to get the times where you just "do it" you have to have the other times.In my experience similar to this , my girlfriends inability to come, led me to last longer and longer and eventually not be able to come. It was not a sensitinity issue, it was that it flet useless and it was a huge turnoff to be with someone that wasn't into it.While masterbation for men can decrease sensitivity, that is rare and more than likely isnot the issue here. When you say you have only come once do you mean with someone else or all the time. You must learn how to come for yourself. Then you will be able to help your man get you off. If you guys handle this I bet you will see a different level in your relaitionship. I bet this lasting too long this will end. Seeing your lover get off is for many men the trigger to that push over the edge...most women appreciate men like this since they are devoted to thier lover's pleasure instead of being self centered users.I feel you guy's pain...that time in my life was so frustrating and she was in many ways the best girl I ever knew...but her inability to communicate and work on this led to a sad end for us. Again a key question here is if you come by getting yourself off or not. If you don't then you owe it to the both of you to explore this and making yourself orgasmic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do go down on him before we have sex, like for soooo long and it still doesnt seem to help. and no I dont cum I only have once in my entire life. I was told that if a guy masterbates too much it makes him almost impossible to cum. I dont know if thats true though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): I am gonna be straight up with you so if I say something that grosses you out just roll with it. Try going down on him and playing with his anus. Try stroking him tightly when going down on him. Get a bottle of lube for yourself and him. Sometimes men are used to working on staying on for a long time and it is a good thing. You may want to communicate to him that you want him to "use" you for his pleasure and not worry about getting you off.
A followup from me is...Do you come? I had a similar situation with someone and what made me work so long was trying to get her off. she never did...since I never had that problem with anyone else I was stumped. I tryed to address it and she would deal with it so it never got resolved. She claimed to not even masterbate. It ended our relationship, in the end I found someone who was more open with her self and a better match.
Basically what I am getting at here is that if you are not coming you need to bring him into working that issue out and I think his issue will resolve itself. If that is not the case I would recommend my first suggestions.
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