A
female
age
36-40,
*elli.25
writes:It's been six months since I moved out of my place with my ex and so much has changed. We dated for over a year, and in the beginning everything was perfect. I knew he had a past with drugs, but I thought that's where it was going to stay. We started fighting constantly and I caught him in multiple lies. He lied to me about when he seperated from his ex-wife (he wasn't even divorced yet), lied to me about being able to have children (he couldn't, but told me he could), and lied to me about using cocaine (I caught him doing it at least five times). I've never been so in love with someone. I still replay when he got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. We were supposed to have forever together, and we were supposed to fight through everything together. When the lies and the fighting got out of control, I moved out to try and be strong. For months he would go missing for days, and then only call me when he felt like it. But I always went back because I loved him. I wasn't perfect in our relationship, I was very emotional and didn't react the best when we fought. I also told his mother about the drugs. Now we don't even speak at all, but I still miss him. A lot. Everyday. I just wanted to see him be the amazing man I knew he was deep down inside and to leave all the bad stuff in the past. I'm going out, and living my life, but I still think of him everyday. I question if things would have been different if I didn't move out and stayed when he asked me to. I wonder if he's ever thinking about me or missing us. At night I feel so lonely, I just want my man that I fell in love with back, to hold me and tell me that he loves me and it will all be ok. How do I accept he doesn't care for me anymore? It still hurts so bad....
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divorce, drugs, ex-wife, fell in love, his ex, moved out, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (8 October 2011):
In life people come and go, relationships begin and end. Sometimes we think we will never be as happy as we were in a past relationship. Actually this is true. The fact is that the memories you shared with someone are unique to both you and that person, and it is not something that can be re-created. But new relationships can make us feel happier than we were in those past relationships.
But sometimes we can't bring ourselves to appreciate the loneliness that we have gained in order to find ourselves again. The solitude can help us realize that people do grow apart and they chose to go in their own direction. Their new direction, good or bad, is not your fault. So do not blame yourself for the past. The first step to moving on is to forgive yourself. Realize that the past has already happened and try to move on to live in the present. What we can do is try to learn from the past to better ourselves.
Soon you will find someone new and better and one who will treat you much better. All you need to do is to believe in yourself again.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (8 October 2011):
You look at his actions...he is selfish. From his wife, to his affair with you, his cocaine use/abuse/addiction and disappearing for months on end without contact.His choices in life speak clearly of his selfishness. He is someone who thinks only of realizing his immediate needs by using drugs and women. When he couldn't have what he wanted, when he wanted it, he simply left and didn't look back.Try to move beyond this relationship. Remember, a relationship with someone is based on who they are, not on what they have the potential to become. It is true he may have shown you a softer side of himself, but one bit of good doesn't mean a man is good. It means he has the potential to be good. Instead of pursuing something good with you he opted to selfishly drown it in cocaine and lies.Cry your last tears.Dry your last tears.Open your eyes and don't look back.
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