A
female
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*hicaboom
writes:I am female, and have 2 close female friends.These friendships started off separately, with both girls not really knowing each other. These friendships have now merged into one group of 3 friends.Lately i have been feeling as though the other two would rather not have me around. They both seem as though they only arrange to see me when it's handy for them... and both seem to casually slip into conversations that they had seen the other... without me.I have told them both how i feel, and both have basically been falling over themselves calling and messaging me this week... telling me they're not intentionally doing things without me (even though i know for a FACT that they have on at least 1 occaison... which is what caused me to tell them how i felt)... and iviting me to do things with them. Which just feels plain weird since one of them ignores my phone calls and messages MOST of the time.I have known both these girls for years, the sort of friendships where we saw each other every day. I'm already missing them. But at the same time, i hate thinking that they're taking advantage of me, using me.... whatever.What do you guys think? Have these friendships run their course? Should i just bail out and be glad i saw through their bullshit?Or am i being totally paranoid and ruining two pretty decent friendships for no reason? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chicaboom +, writes (9 September 2006):
chicaboom is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it's 10 months and this is what has happened...
After another bout of intentionally leaving me out & then being overly apologetic afterwards i decided to cut my losses. One friend abused me over the phone and via sms after i told her i just didn't want to spend time with her anymore, i just hung up. The other i just never spoke to again. A couple of months ago the abusive one called saying she 'was over the two of us not talking... and wanted to be friends again' - i just hung up, again. I have since made a couple of great new female friends (3 of us are actually moving in together in 4 days!) and i am in a much more comfortable place in my life.
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female
reader, 360sense +, writes (10 November 2005):
If you’re really sure that your "friends" are avoiding your phone calls and using you than they're not your friends and maybe your friendships have run their course. If you’re not sure, don’t give up on them just yet a good friend is hard to come by. If it's a case where your not always available (work, school, ect. ) you can't expect them not to hang out together. I say if they didn't want to be your friend they wouldn't they'd stop calling you not fall over them selves to reassure you that everything’s fine. I think you’re jealous of their friendship which is human and normal. Don't let your emotions control your actions let logic rule or you could lose some really good friends.
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reader, jenz05ere +, writes (10 November 2005):
well if they say that they dont mean to leave you out. even if they did, if your missing them just try to be best friends again. or phone them and try and hang out if it dosnt work then try and hang round with someone else because your not best friends anymore.
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female
reader, Topps +, writes (10 November 2005):
People change all the time and friendships we have are always developing. Just because these 2 have become good friends too, does not mean you are not inculded. You do not have the ' sole rights' to their friendship and if you think you do then you have lost them. They are feeling bad that they have upset you and this shows they care. Be cool or you will lose them, this is not about you choosing to be without them they may choose to drop you if you carry on sulking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): I've been in the same situation as you. My one friend I have known for 9 years and the other for 2years. I introduced them to one another and all of a sudden I felt like a unwanted 3rd wheel. They went everywhere together. I was never included. When I wanted to go out with one of them, both of them came.
I decided, that if I was worth anything to them I had to let them decide. I called them less and less. Till oneday I stopped. No communication at all. If they wanted me in their presence they would call, they would make the effort.
2 weeks later, dreating that I made the wrong disicion, they called. They wanted to se me. They missed me. Now the friendship is stronger than ever, I'm no longer the unwanted 3rd wheel, Im part of a well oiled tricycle. Without one another the others are useless.
I'm not saying it may turn out the same for you, but it did for me. Remember every situation is different. But I hope that everything works out for you. Oh and my friends say good luck too.
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