A
female
age
41-50,
*atsby
writes:HiI have been seeing a guy for nearly four months now. A month ago - we had a minor and I mean minor disagreement and he dumped me on the steps outside the restaurant where we had just made plans to meet seem of my friends the following weekend - I left him alone for two weeks and then we got back together - me initiating it. That was 4 weeks ago - since then, things haven't really felt right, so last night I brought it up - in a kind of 'since we got back together, I'm a little unsure of everything'. He was completely normal and we chatted and he put me at ease. He even commented that I didn't invite him out with friends ever, so I did. We left the restaurant and outside he did the whole 'I can't do this any more, I like you but...' Last time, we had had a similar conversation.I have cried twice over this man now, although he is absolutely lovely in every other way I am horrified that he can't handle a disagreement without resorting to ending the relationship.I don't want to not be with him, but today I am so annoyed and upset by his irrational behaviour - how do I deal with it?
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female
reader, Gatsby +, writes (23 June 2012):
Gatsby is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to argue with him - there was no real argument - I just asked him whether our relationship was just him and me or whether we were hanging out with friends etc and then he agreed to meet up with some of my friends and then we left the restaurant and he said I was too heavy and now he still hasn't contacted me - despite my things being at his house and me asking if I could pick them up this weekend
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): There is nothing more irritating than wanting an argument with someone who doesnt want to argue with you. What would he do if you was arguing with someone on a night out? It sounds as if he would run off and leave you to get beat up. I would find someone else because he sounds a bit of a wimp to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): Tell him if he dumps you again, you will dump him back next time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Seems to me that he is one of those guys who have totally unrealistic views of what a relationship should be.
Or he is one of those guys who thinks rocking the boat means failure.
Either way, he will NOT change.
I would accept that he obviously can't handle an adult relationship and move on.
Unless of course you want to spend then next months/years in this yo-yo relationship where YOU have to walk on eggshells to keep him happy..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): Some folk cannot be bothered arguing. it might be better to find someone who likes to have the odd argument cause he sounds boring.
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A
female
reader, Gatsby +, writes (22 June 2012):
Gatsby is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your comments. It's obviously not what I want to hear and I have been making excuses for him but... he tells me he likes me - he had a really bad relationship break up before me (over a year now) which I think he's taking out on me a bit... I am so annoyed by this. I guess you are all right - move on. (it's hard.)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 June 2012):
If someone reacts to every problem by ending the relationship, then they're just not worth the bother. They're either not into you enough, or (as I suspect with this man), they're simply not emotionally able to be in a relationship without being in total control all the time.
I would say that it's best to deal with this by moving swiftly on from him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Clearly you are without him... he broke up with you and you managed to get the two of you back together...
I'm sure that the fact that you waited long enough for him to get a bit lonely and horny didn't hurt.
I have to admit at first read this behavior sounded so juvenile that I had to look up and look at the ages and was surprised, I expected the 18-21 range...not because of how you wrote or your behavior but from HIS. It's rather childish.
I think that it might be best to consider that he's not really able to have a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 When a person does this, it means he does not want to be in a relationship. They are not disagreements but little excuses or looking for an exit. He does not want to do this anymore because he realizes that whenever he says he is breaking up because . . . you will fix the problem and then he has to find other reasons to break up later. That's no way to live. He is just a guy you are dating, and not a boyfriend you have to work so hard for. Why did he take you back? It's a great feeling being loved but his conscience would not let you get hurt again. He would rather make you think this is a compatability issue and not him being too coward to rip off the bandaid sooner.
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