It saddens me that we have to treat the kids like this out of desperation and protection for ourselves.

A female , anonymous writes:

I am growing very resentful of my husbands two boys. When I met him 7 years ago my first impression was that the boys were spoiled and disrespectful. But their mother had died 6 months prior so I made excuses and tried to be warm and friendly to both of them. The younger one, then 18 years old accepted me right away. The older on, 21 was more distant and snobbish. Over the years we have never said bad things about their Mom although we live in a small town and I knew that she had cheated on their Dad when the boys were very young (like 2 and 4 years old). I also knew she was hooked on narcotics and zonked out of her mind for most of their lives. She buried herself in her work or zoned out on her pills. She never disciplined them she just bought them more stuff when they acted up, or she escaped into work to avoid dealing with their fights. Once she died my husband finally had more of a chance to connect with them, because the "roadblock" was gone. He has done so much for both of them, helping them financially with their school loans, buying them computers when they needed it; he kept them on his health insurance and helped pay for their dental work. He found jobs for them every summer when they were out of school by putting them to work for the company he works for and he tried to teach them how to be responsible and self sufficient yet they resent him for it. When they can't get their way about something, they refer to him as their "Deadbeat Dad" which infuriates me. For awhile I tried to reason with them; help them see a different view point. God only knows what their Mother told them while they were growing up so I have tried to show them the truth about their Dad; that he has always been here, but their Mother controlled how much time he got to see them and if he took them camping or fishing or caving she threw a fit saying it was "too dangerous" and she didn't like it when they got dirty or handled smelly fish. Both boys graduated from college with their Dad's help but they refuse to give him credit for what he's done. The youngest one still makes comments sometimes like "Dad never helps us with anything" and he forgets that I've been in this family long enough to know the truth and how twisted his version really is. Finally the other day I'd had enough and told the younger one, who is now 25, that I will no longer tolerate him bashing his Dad. He continued to bombard my phone with nasty text messages about how I must be staying with his Dad because I need the paycheck and when we get old him and his brother will finally get their revenge because they will not lift a finger to help us. I was shocked and hurt. I came home, showed my husband his latest rantings and told him to change the code on our alarm panel and the outside key pad so neither boy can access our home unless we let them in. I no longer trust either of them and it's clear to me they will never change. My husband is also sick of their abuse. The youngest has finished college but now he expects us to pay $30,000 for another round of technical school. My husband said no way, you're a big boy you figure out how to make it I can't keep funding your ventures. We are both sick of them. But it saddens me that we have to treat the kids like this out of desperation and protection for ourselves. Have other people gone through this with their kids? I am so sad, this wasn't how either of us were raised to treat their parents and we don't understand why they are so horrible when we've always tried to be there for them no matter what.

View related questions: revenge, text

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (3 June 2012):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer