A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK here goes.Me and my ex broke up about 5 months ago and i feel im doing everything to push her further and further away. We were together for four years.She recently started university and she told me she had just kissed one guy but loves the attention she was receiving from all the other guys also.WHen i heard this my whole world shattered, and i have actually felt physically sick when i think of her with other men.WHen we were speaking later that night she told me she had a great time and that she still wanted us to be good friends. She has told me she loves me and really cares for me and has also kissed me.When she said this though i told her i have found it too difficult to ber her friend and that we basically couldnt hang out anymore. It broke my heart to say that to her.WHat can i do, if possible to try and rekindle what we had?If not then what do you all suggest i do? i am really messed up with this and just cant be bothered doing anything in my life now,Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): being friends with ex's dont work. move on you broke up for a reason.
(i am in the same boat and yes i know it is easier said than done)
A
female
reader, Lzavmon03 +, writes (28 September 2007):
 You know what? I think your first instinct--your gut told you the BEST thing you could ahve said at that moment: When she said this though i told her i have found it too difficult to ber her friend and that we basically couldnt hang out anymore. Of course you're going to feel awful hearing about her having fun with these guys and it's just going to make you depressed and almost residually jealous hearing about her interactions with all these guys while you suffer in silence.
I think you were so right in telling her you couldn't hang out anymore...the wound is still fresh especially for you, so take all the time you need to get over it: do all the things you couldn't do while you were with her--all legal, healthy, well-intentioned things I mean. Join a club or hobby and make new friends and try not to isolate ytourself too much while you recover from the break-up. I know from experience how difficult it can be to try to get this person out of your mind and try not to let every darn thing you see remind you of them, but once you invole yourself in your career, job, favorite skill or hobby, religion, God, or anything else.
Don't punish yourself with letting her tell you about all these new guys she's seeing...you need to lose her phone number for a while, don't im each other, don't talk to her until all your emotions have settled and especially don't kiss her or have sexual contact--that will only hurt you and confuse and screw with your mind...four years is a long time and everyone recovers from break0ups in different ways. I'm surprised she didn't ahve a little more tact in talking with you and not mention any of that stuff, but again, everyone is different.
I don't know the reason why you guys broke up, but when you ask what you can do to rekindle what you guys had, I can only say that I wouldn't try rekindling it because it seems she has moved on, and the worst place you can be is sitting in one place waiting for the person to come and say they wnat to be with you again. That's the only reason why I say I wouldn't try resuming this relationship since I don't know if there was any cheating or abuse or so on going on. I can understand you were devastated no matter what...take the time you need to mourn over the relationship, but also realize that this pain is temporary--it won't last and sooner more than later you will be able to feel like yourself again and enjoy the things you used to with the same fervor. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, yeahitsgreat  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 if you love the girl, you know every moment is precious with her. you can hang out with her, and be her freind like she wants. but you can also be around her like you need. i know its heart breaking to be around her, but not be with her but the last thing you need to do is push her away for good. if you want to rekindle anything call her up and ask her to hang out. in a non pressure situation. when she see's you can give her space she will want to be with you more and more. but let her come to you. dont pressure her because it will just push her away. i know its going to hurt, but is she worth every bit of it? if so she will eventually see what your trying to do for your relationship, and love you so much more for it.
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A
female
reader, brown eyez +, writes (27 September 2007):
its hard 2 get over a relationship exspecialy bcuz it was of 4 yrz. she stil has feelings for you bt wants to move on and yu should try to do the same.
you cant face being friends with her bcuz she was a big prt of your life and yu think that if yu cnt b lovers then yu cnt b nuffin at all. bt u cnt cut her out completley bcuz u stil lyk her. TIME! is the best solution. just try 2 move on ur young nd hav the rest of ur life ahead of yu. go out, have fun and meet new ppl =] xxx
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