A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please Help me out I need advice!! I'm having problems in my relationship right now. I've been with my boyfriend on and off for going on four years and we recently decided to put the past behind us. We've had some problems, but we always seem to pull through and work it out. Our relationship started when we were both 16 years old and now we're both 20. My university is about 2 hours away from him, so I really only get to see him about 2 days out of the week. Also, I just recently lost my virginity to him after being with him for 3 years and 10 months. Lately, it feels like our relationship is taking a turn for the worse. We used to talk everyday and if we couldn't talk long, we'd always at least say good night and good morning every single day. Text or call, it was done everyday. Ever since school started back up in August, it seems like he's trying to do his own thing. I have no problem with him doing his own thing, but he's not paying attention to my needs. I don't ask for much from him, just to hear his voice on a regular basis. Up until last week, he was hit and miss but he was still okay with that. Last Wednesday, however, he didn't talk to me all day...then Thursday and Saturday and then he calls me on Sunday as if nothing ever happened. He texted me early Sunday morning saying "Please don't take it personal, I just need a little time to myself." I assumed we were breaking up but he said "No, we aren't breaking up. I want some time to myself, but I don't want to be alone." I've been extremely emotion lately. I don't eat much and I try to sleep all day. I just want to hear his voice sometimes. Even if the conversation doesn't end good, I'm happy knowing that he at least is making an effort. He doesn't have money or anything materialistic that I'm after. All I want is love from him. But he's not doing his part. I text him whenever to let him know he's on my mind and I say good night and good morning everyday and he won't respond to any of it.It's hard trying to explain how I feel to him. He says "I'm not going anywhere, your my other half. I'm just so tired and stressed out lately." He's stressed about grades and basketball and his family is STRESSFUL! But, no matter how many times we talk about the issue it still remains our biggest and only problem. I'm starting to feel like I gave my virginity to the wrong person. What do I do?? [I'm asking that no one suggest we break up. 1) I don't have a rebound. and 2) It's not easy to just walk away from a 4 year relationship. 3) We've both said that we will work things out, but I just need advice on how to express my feelings. Because jut coming out and telling him isn't working.]Sorry this is so long, but thanks so much for any of you who can help me.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 He has explained to you that he needs some time to himself therefore you need to give him this or else you will just push him away further. He is stressed out at the moment and he needs a little bit of space from you. Don't take it personal because am sure it is not personal towards you it is just how he feels. I know it will be difficult on you as well because you feel neglected and feel like he doesn't care any more but am sure that is not true. Talk to him and come to an agreement on how long he needs space for and maybe suggest that you call each other once or twice a week just to make sure that all is OK. I know it can be hard to distance yourself from him, but if it is what he needs for the relationship to work you just need to try your hardest and not text him every day. Allow him to be the one to contact you.
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