A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I lost my virginity to my ex boyfriend who I later caught cheating on me.. I am now in a new relationship and I haven't told him about sleeping with my ex... He is quite orthodox and I don't think he can live with that... I have been open to him about everything else except that part.. however, it bothers me and I'm caught in between.
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lost my virginity, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): is your bf a virgin/lost his virginity to you? if the answers yes then I wouldnt tell him unless if he asks.
but if your bf has had sex before then he probably wont care that much.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Tell him. If he doesn't accept you for you and admire you for your honesty it's his loss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): The same thing happened to me. I'm very sorry to hear this. We are not at fault for who we chose to love in the past and we do not choose who we love. It just happens. We have to accept what happened and love ourself, and live with our past. Our past is a part of us always. In this case, you probably regret losing your virginity to this person because he cheated on you. But life is not perfect, and the perfect body, perfect values, and perfect woman no longer exists. For example, there is pressure on a woman to remain true to herself with her traditional values, the ones her partner has, and society. This is impossible. If this person truly loves you, they will not judge you because you are not a virgin but like someone else said, this is up to him. I think a part of you wants to tell him just to see who he really is and to see if he will remain true to you. The best way to find out if you're compatible with someone is to be truthful so you know they can accept you completely and fully.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): He has no right to judge you on your past. He doesn't have the right to know every detail about your past life either. Upon hearing the truth, he has to decide once and for all to either accept your past unconditionally, or he needs to break up with you. It's not fair for him to spend a long time remaining with you but treating you with less respect because of it. All or nothing. HOWEVER:He DOES have every right to decide for himself whether he wants to deal with this issue for the rest of his life. He has the right to either be told the truth about your history, or he needs to just be told that you don't wish to discuss it with him. It's not fair for you to just keep implying a lie indefinitely like this.Not everyone has to agree with his priorities in life, but everyone needs to respect HIS decision to make anything a priority that he chooses to. It's not just your life we're talking about here, it's also HIS life too. He has the right not to be misled when choosing a partner. If that also happens to rule out continuing a relationship with you in this case, well, that's his own choice to make.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hi,
what really worries me about this, is that he expects you to be a virgin. I really disagree strongly about these outdated old fashioned methods of controlling people's behaviour. To me it is merely a window into a house full of other ways of keeping you in check.
Your past is your past , it is nobody's business who you slept with or whether you are a virgin. But if this guy is really the one you think worthy of converting to a new religion for ( which you have to pretend you believe in ) and giving up a lot of your freedoms, then I wouldnt tell him. Still the fact that you have to hide something from a partner because he may feel you are not worthy of him makes me feel a little angry to tell the truth - I'm sure he's got a few skeletons in his closet as well but obviously they dont matter - he's a man.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 March 2008):
 All I can tell you is that we get a lot of people, mostly guys, that have a hard time dealing with their partners' pasts. While I believe in total honesty in a relationship that means from the moment it BEGINS and everyday after. Whatever happened before your relationship is only your business not his. Waterloo is right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Keep quiet and just enjoy what you have now, we all have a past and we are entitled to keep it to ourselves. You have a right to do just that.
take care
xx
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