A
female
 ,
*ooty
writes:hi all, sorry this is long Im really struggling just now with the end of a relationship of 5 years .my ex is a widower , of whom i knew his wife , and we got together 6 months after his wife had died (she comiited suicide ), when which he asked me out . I was still maried at that point , which he knew , and although the marriage was dead , i was studying to get a better job to enable me to leave my husband - as he was in control of the finances etc . i acheived this last yer , and moved into a flat , though it was partly due to the affair being discovered . I admitted all (thouh originally i didn't want to leave that way , but loved my boyfirend , as he did me , and wanted a 'proper ' relationship with me . as a result my daughter moved in with her boyfirend , and my younger son , stayed mainly with his dad - i see him twice a week now , and though my husband had treated me badly over the years , i now have to wait to divorce him , as i comitted adultery. I have had a few low pathces recently - originally when i moved out i was on antidepressants for stress - mainly due to the seperation from my son , and in recent months my boyfriend had told me there was something missing from our realtionship (he did this before 3 years ago - and then came back) he has now left me , saying i'm selfish , we dont gel , and he's grown tired of me . alot of this appears to be centred around me not being close to his friend , though i did go out and socialise with them , when asked , i hadnt being assertive in getting closer to them. (during my search for a flat etc - i lived with my parents for 4 months , and was away from the social scene- it was my own friends who helped me through this , and although i don'thold that aginst his friends , i feel my closeness to them was limited ) i can see no that this has been an issue for him , as his life does revolve alot around a circle of friends. it has been 5 weeks now , and i did attempt to contact him by text after seeing him drive past my house on numerous accasions - however he responded with quite an arrogant ttitude - asking if i was ok - then telling me that was a daft question - as he knew i wasnt? i did suggest we talk at some point - and he agrred that would be a good idea -but im unsure of how to go about it now - as his attitude towards me seems to be one of an upper hand knowing that he's hurt me so much ?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 August 2009):
 I think you need to let him go. You did what you did in your marriage/divorce, but from now on you need to understand that every action has a reaction.
That everything you DO in a relationship affect the partner. Everything your partner does affect you.
I think there is more to all of it besides you not "gelling" with his mates. He picked you because you were MARRIED, therefor not a "threat" to his lifestyle. He could "date" you and not "fear" you would want more from him. Then you got divorced and he more or less dumped you soon after. I want to bet he is looking for another married woman.
You are better off alone. Settle into yourself and your life. Spend time with your kids. Get comfortable with yourself BEFORE you start a relationship with a guy.
Learn from that experience.
Cheaters cheat. Not only on their partner & family, but on themselves.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): well if he is used to having affairs, then it seems like he actively also "encouraged his wife to commit suicide" by his behaviour, isn't it?then all i can say is this- you knew that he "liked sexual relations" with other women, yet he persuaded you to start your affair, you left your hb for him - surely at the back of your mind you knew that once he finished with you, he would throw you away, just like he has now done. if this is the case, consider yourself lucky - erase him totally from your life and then move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): please could i ask you , what you think of the widow i this case -i agree 6 months is not long to grieve - however he purseued the relationship to a great extent - actively encouraging me to leave my husband for him - when i did speak to him of his wifes death and giving himself time to heal . he had also had sexual relations with someone previous to me , plase could i have your opinion on this
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): hi there. you posted this before and you got good responses. please re read them.
i just want to add - you started your affair with this man only 6 months after his wife died. you were married yet you stayed with your husband merely to use his finances while you were seeing the other man. you only left your husband when you did not need him financially.
you have been very deceitful right from the start and perhaps this other man has seen it as well. you never allowed him to mourn the death of his wife. let him have his time away from you to make peace in his life.
i think you have seen that you sowed betrayal and heartache, its so sad that karma has caught up with you.
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