A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hoping for some help here and thank those who reply. I am in my forties and am seven years older than my sister. I have an older brother and am the middle child. Long ago, I accepted the fact that my sister and I would probably never be friends. We are different. From how I look at things, that is not bad and I accept it. Our pattern over the years is predictable, the same. We get together and she wants to go back into the past and put under a microscope all the things she does not understand about me. The latest thing is that I was 'emotional' growing up. She is correct. I was a bit of a wild card as a teenager but grew out of it and have been pretty stable most of my life. I have had the same career for twenty years,same home ect. She entered the work force a lot later and has never really committed to a career. She is off in India travelling now. It seems that she cannot pigeonhole me and seems to imply that her way is different and BETTER. I am not arrogant by nature and over the years have NEVER been the one to bring up the predictable discussion of our upbringing. I have tried to stand up for myself but she is manipulative by nature and I cannot be bothered to play these games. She is toxic and I am thinking of taking six months of limited or no contact and in that time, finally get counselling. My question is if others have had the same issues with brothers/ sisters and how did you handle it. Also, what would make her do this time and time again? All replies appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009): Maybe she is insecure and lacking confidence, and she tries to make herself feel better by putting other people down, and making them feel as though she is right and they wrong. Or it could just be the way she is.If she makes you feel bad, then I think you have the right idea by considering limiting your contact with her. I haven't personally experienced what you are going through myself, but I do know that family members can be difficult! Maybe it might help to just accept her as she is, and try to not take it personally. I know this must be difficult though.I still do wonder whether her being the way she is is because she is not feeling too great about herself. Perhaps she admires or even envies you, and she is finding it hard to deal with. But really, you need to think of yourself, and if she is making things difficult for you then perhaps limited contact would help.I hope this helps a little, and good luck.
A
female
reader, dumdum5g  +, writes (19 April 2009):
Why don't you two just sit down and have a talk about you guys' similarities and also about the way you feel about her reminiscence on the past. Find something you guys both like and do it . She might say her way is better, but yours may be safer. After all, you don't want to go the rest of your life not getting along with your sister(your own flesh and blood) because then there will be a big hole in your life where your sister is supposed to be. Try calling her, writing her, visiting her, and the bond between you guys will grow. When she gets on the whole "Unstable" conversation, immediately switch the topic and talk about something else. Try this, I guarantee this will work.
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