A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for ANYONE'S opinion on this. It would be much appreciated. Im running short on time, and I can clarify on ANYTHING. Sorry if this post is a bit disorganized.I am a 23 year old female with no dating experience. Honestly, I really hate talking about myself, because it makes me seem shallow. But I consider myself at least decent looking and although my personality is pretty rare (its really hard to find people like myself) I like being somewhat of a dork and a nerd. I am also pretty reserved and with but I dont consider myself shy.To be honest, Im probably one of the few women who admits to liking nice guys. Every guy I've liked has been dorky, nerdy, reserved, pretty intelligent, etc.However:- No guy has ever approached me- Males do not check me out, and I have decent observation skills. I am ignored and it is the truth.- I do not hear about guys admiring me. Im around guys all the time in college classes.- When I sit around "waiting for some guy", I don't get any takers. Sometimes the guy I like finds someone else.- On the flipside, when Im the initiator, the nice guys just reject me. And I dont think I come on strong at all, they just figure out somehow...then again these guys are pretty smart to begin with. Who knows.But if men are so simple and easy to understand, then all of this that I have experienced ABSOLUTELY PROVES men just aren't attracted to me? Seriously I do not want to turn into someone who is fake.- I dont wear makeup and I have no interest in doing so. I like how I look fresh faced.- I am only five foot three inches and weigh 90lbs. You can call me disgusting but I am actually healthy though just skinny. Its a touchy topic because all I hear is people telling me to gain weight, but its not easy to. As self centered as it sounds, if my weight is the issue why should I gain lbs JUST to attract guys when I am happy and healthy now?- I am reserved. I am not outgoing. I dont like parties and I dont like being around people a lot. Online dating is also something Im not interested in (Ive ran into weird situations just talking to male friends online and having angry GFs threatening me)Im african american and usually attracted to men who aren't. Though Ive heard its probably not a race issue, sometimes I do believe it could be. Honestly I cant come up with a logical answer. I am not desperate, but I just dont understand.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 Ok, it is mental attitude you need to change, NOT anything else, not who YOU are or how you look act etc. You need to change how you think and feel about yourself and your attractiveness. I dont exactly know how to explain this so it can be understood, but I know that when I have attracted men to me(without even intending to do so) it has been when I have felt quietly secure and confident in my attractiveness and have been happy with who I am. It is when I have liked myself that men seem to take an interest. However, when I have been depressed and disliking myself, I had no interest. That was because I believed myself when I thought that I was never going to find a boyfriend. But when I am secure and in no rush to find someone, because I KNOW I will when I am ready and the time is right and when I meet someone who is worth MY TIME, then I will date again. Until that time I will carry on happily living my life and working towards my dreams. I have been where you are and it is hard to change how you think. But I think the best way is to shift your focus and just believe that you WILL meet someone, when the time is right. You have to believe it yourself or it won't happen because you will come across as desperate for a relationship with any bloke you fancy, which will repel them. Any interacting with a guy you like, when you are only focused on the end goal of making him your boyfriend will be unnatural. You wont be getting to know him as a person, you wont be yourself and relaxed. This will make it awkward. Relationships just happen, when the conditions are right.
But believe me, by thinking that you might have something about you that repels men, you will make this reality. You have to change your thoughts and beliefs. This goes for everything. You have to think positivly and believe in the possibility of something for it to happen. You have to believe you are sexy, beautiful, attractive and a good person, because you are. There is someone for everyone, it doesnt matter how you look, who you are or how smart, rich, funny even confident you are. I am shy as hell, but I've still attracted guys, guys who told me it was endearing that I was shy. So no matter what YOU think your faults are, the right guy will like those things about you because they are part of who you are.
So I really just want to say, stop worrying and over-thinking, and get out there, have fun and live your life. Don't let the whole relationship thing get you down. Trust it will happen if you want it to, and get out there. You are looking at this all wrong. Look for a guy who deserves to be your first serious relationship. Youve waited this long so he had better be worth your time. And you are NOT running out of time. Don't beat yourself up. There are all kinds of people and lifestyles in this world and that is what makes it so amazing. So dont worry about what everyone else is doing. Just focus on your stiry, your life and make it how you want it to be. Own it because your experiences shape who you are and your life is special. It is yours. And your family and friends give you compliments and advice because they love you. They want the best for you but can only advise from their world veiw which could be wildly different to yours. Don't focus so much on what others believe, just believe in yourself. God this sounds so corny, but honestly, this is what I have learnt. There will be times, like now, when you are in a bad place and you doubt yourself and your abilities to make your dreams and wishes a reality, but that is only because you are not in a bad place. That is when you need to look after yourself and wait for it to pass. Because the bad times always pass. Life is full of ups and downs. But it is how you perceive these experiences that governs how you feel about your life. When things are hard just try to focus on the knowledge that this will pass. Plus you dont need a man to be happy. You really dont.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate everyones response!
I am a college student and 90% of my peers are males. And also most of my classes are flooded with nerdy guys. That's really all the interaction I get with the opposite sex.
Most family members and friends do not have anything negative to say about me. I have a few close female friends and they also have nothing but nice things to say. Im also not all that comfortable asking the guys I know because we aren't really that close.
Because of the inconsistencies, I sometimes wonder if I am receiving false compliments/statements. Even when you want some people to be honest with you, some just won't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): I think its one of those situations where unless somebody knows you, they cant answer 'why'.
If you have a male relative or maybe evn a female one whos honest,ask them.
If you don't want to change (and you don't have to) then you may have to wait a bit longer to find somebody who is as different as you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): I have a similar problem and I have thought about it over and over again. It just can't be rationally explained, why some decent people who have lots to offer get zero interest from opposite sex. I'm good looking, cute, nice, educated and guys won't even look at me. Recently I was at a party (which is something I rarely do) and there were only 3 girls and about 20 drunk guys. Not one of them tried making a move on me.
My latest theory is that is has to do something with a person's mental energy, maybe we are not sending some unconscious signal we are supposed to be sending, so we are invisible on the "radars" of potential partners. I know it sounds silly but I just can't think of a rational explanation.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (18 March 2012):
Sometimes there is no logical answer for these things. It is just bad luck. Sure some people do statistically attract more men than others due to facial features, body type, personality, the way they dress etc etc. But I agree, if you want to meet someone who loves the real you, putting on a facade to attract more men will not help. It will only attract the wrong men. So carry on as you are and do not worry about it, you are only young. If you are worried, when you talk to a guy you like this will come across and turn him off you. It all comes down to your attitude. Stop caring! Care about and love you and your life, and others will follow. Also it wouldn't hurt to put yourself in a position where you will meet more men. If you don't like parties or online dating, are there any other places you would enjoy going that you could meet like minded men? What dorky nerdy things do you like doing? I bet there are a million nerdy guys out there who would love to meet you. Go and find them! To nerdy guys, nerdy girls are the hottest.
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