A
female
age
51-59,
*ela001
writes:I have a 27 year old son who has been living on his own for 2 years, he quit his job 2 months ago, I paid a month of his rent which my husband ( his stepfather ) does not know about because I have helped him so many times in the past and he feels like my son is taking advantage of me.My son has done nothing to look for a job, he calls me at least twice or three times a week to stay over at our house so he can use the internet to "look" for jobs, he is really just downloading music and videos, he has begged me to let him come live with us, my husband feels like I need to let him figure this out on his own and use "tough love" he says he will be homeless and he tells me that I dont care about him because we wont allow him to move in and take advantage of us. This is Distressing me!!! Having to tell my son no when I have ALWAYS helped him in the past is breaking my heart. I am at a total loss about what to do is forcing him to grow up and be responsible the right thing to do?
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female
reader, jela001 +, writes (9 February 2013):
jela001 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I hope this reply goes through the last 2 I wrote did not so please forgive me if you end up getting 3 replys:) Thank you so much for the advice is was dead on! it was what I needed to hear from other mothers instead of my husband who has no children of his own other then my 2 sons, My son called me at work this morning asking to come stay a few days at our house to "look" for jobs I told him I would print out applications for him, or he could go to the library that is 2 blocks away and use their computers, he of course didnt like that answer told me I didnt love him or care about him, then told me he hated me and to F....OFF!! then hung up on me, I felt like the worst mother in the world and cried for 2 hours!! I forgot to mention he will be getting a tax refund that will be enought to pay his rent with some left over. once again Thanks SO much for the great answers!!! you guys are AWESOME!! I will keep you posted on his progress!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): I think you need to. He is a grown man, and the fact he quit his job with nothing to fall back on shows he is not responsible at all. I am 27 and my parents agreed to let me move back in with after I was made redundant. However I made finding a new job my number 1 priority. I lined up 4 interviews in the first 2 weeks and had been offered another job within 3 weeks of leaving my old job, so in the end I didn't need to move back. I know they would have been happy to help me if I needed it, but if I'd quit my job for no good reason and expected them to carry me it would have been a completely different story and they'd have told me where to go. Helping him has not worked so far has it? So I think you need to teach him a hard lesson or he will end up a middle aged man asking his mummy to bail him out. Do you think he will find a girlfriend/wife with that attitude? Never!
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Hi
Its difficult for a mum because you want to help, you don't want him on the street,he's still your baby.
I have helped 2 of mine when in need,had one back home too, he moved out once he had a job.I was able to police his job hunt as he was at home,he was able to get on his feet again, he matured, he's now stable.
Nobody can decide for you,but if you move him in tell him it's his LAST chance.Its not alot to ask of you in the scheme of things but he has to understand its up to him after he finds work.Give him a reasonable timescale and set bounderies.
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