A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does it sound like this woman is after my spouse?My husband started a new job and seemed to become friendly and close to a woman I will call Kathy. They would discuss their personal issues ( our martial) ( her relationship issues). She would call my husband " her man" , she also had gotten upset at another female co worker ( whom calls everyone baby) and put a stop to the co worker calling my husband "baby". ( I didn't have a problem with it). If I would call my husband while he's at work, she would try to talk over me and be attention seeking towards my husband. If my husband left the building , such as to walk to his car, she would follow him out. Shealai began giving my husband gifts for our child And would invite our child (whom was an infant) to her ( much older) children's parties. I began to grow more teary eyed with every gift my husband brought home from this woman for our child. I became more upset when my husband and I had planned a couples night out for a fun pumpkin picking, but due to this woman's plans for my husband, he decided her idea ( meeting at her grandpas farm to pick pumpkins versus the orchard I had selected to was a better idea. I confessed to my husband that I feel they are getting too close and it would be comforting if he would step back from her before she gets the wrong idea. Luckily my husband was relocated to a different job so I felt the issue was solved. It was then that Kathy made a new Facebook account to add my husband. She then realized due to my husbands settings she messaged me for him to add her, My husband rejected the idea, She then went through a mutual friend of theirs to attempt to be in contact with him as she did not have his phone number. I was appalled and at my wits end when their mutual friend had delivered a message to my husband. The message ( as well as a picture) was a piece of hand made jewelry the read ONE LOVE with symbols on itt that matched one of my husbands tattoos. Kathy had stated she had a business ( also her excuse for making a Facebook, it was for her jewelry making business) however she deleted it when my husband wouldn't add her. This "business " of hers she had just started the night before she made her Facebook profile when she wanted my husband to add her. ( she did send me a request as well)Kathy had stated that the jewelry was a messed up piece and she just happened to think that my husband would want it. Her exact message said will you tell Ralph that I Fuc*ed up on this piece of jewelry , I'll bring it to ( his former work place) for him and his wife can make it into a necklace. (As if she was thinking about me to). I then asked their mutual friend if Kathy is someone I have to worry about. The mutual friend said Kathy does like my husband ( but didn't explain what she meant by like) as she seems to defend Kathys motives. I took that as any wife would and suggested Kathy to back off. Itching else was said or done. We didn't hear from Kathy for a month. I then woke up with a (re activated to write but then again deactivated so I cannot reply) Facebook message from Kathy. The woman wrote an extensively long message to me harassing me, calling me names, saying I'm embarrassing myself and I can meet her at ( my husbands former workplace with her) so she can set mestraight. She also claimed she was trying to be nice to me and even attempted to add me to face book as she does all the wives of her "husband friends". My first thoughts was to report her harassment incase my vehicle or such was vandalized , how ever her father is a cop of the town we live in. Any advice?
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (1 August 2017):
"She even set a date, time and place to where she had said she would clear my head up ( to meet) her messages were nasty and distasteful." ---- IT'S A TRAP! You don't have to go please. Smells BAD. The woman sounds like a psycho killer.
"Also as an update I informed my husband we would separate until we seen a marriage counselor." --- That's a very good decision.
A
male
reader, Riot2017 +, writes (31 July 2017):
That woman is into your husband,
and also happens to be a crazy woman with a cop father.
There are many red flags all over the place, and your husband is just not seeing them at all.
I would recommend you all no contact, set up cameras, and gather any kind of evidence of crazy deeds.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (30 July 2017):
 Part of me thinks she and you husband are made for each other, and you should look for a divorce from him,
He played games with her at work, then he backed off after getting her worked up, a case of harvesting what you sow,
You put up with way too much drama from the time you found him,
I like to give people the benefit of the dought but this leopard has not lost his spots,
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 July 2017):
 I'm sorry OP
If your husband has a history of cheating, then he KNEW where this was going with that woman.
You OWE that woman nothing, you CERTAINLY don't have to show up (as she demanded).
Seems like your husband likes the attention and drama and that he doesn't care if you get hurt in the process. That doesn't sound good at all.
Focus on your and the baby. You might be much better off without a husband who cheats.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): Oh my...I really hope you do not have a pet bunny. She is crazy I really hope your husband understands that.This is not normal at all.She is after your husband but he likes the attention...it makes him feel attractive and young.He has got to chose you or her.I would not put up with it.She is harrasing you...where is your husband?...He should be protecting you from this crazy nut.If he does not drop her leave him...for you and your child's safety.This will get much worse because he is encouraging it.Just leave this man he does not have your back.I am so sorry you have to deal with this especially with a new baby.Protect your self and your baby by moving far far away after you leave.You cannot reason with crazy do not even contact her it will backfire.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyone's replies. I had tried to write the post with out pointing fingers or use any type of persuasion and just state facts. (As hard as it was). I understand that my husband is just as responsible but the attitude he had about it was how I wrote it. I didn't snoop in anything, everything happened in front of me. When I had my husband deny her fb friend request, she then tried to get a hold of him through a mutual friend of theirs. The mutual friend had part in delivering messages for the woman to my husband. When my husband seen the message about the woman wanting to give him the hand made jelwery, complete with a picture, I was sitting next to him and he spoke of the message out loud.I then messaged the sender (I know her , and we're friendly but not friends) In response and asked if this is a woman pursuing my husband is someone I need to worry about? She said she does like your husband, so I then replied for that woman she was delivering messages for, to back off. And left it at that. I feel any one else would have lost it. I then had him ignore the messenger (and the messenger did attempt to contact him several other times) . When he didn't answer, I had then called her and asked what she wanted. She had silly excuses. (I'm thinking she was keeping secrets and they were going back and forth. But that's my gut feeling. Because during the emotional affair so to speak , that's when my husband had also gotten real close to ( their mutual friend). I had thought it was all coincidental. Maybe it was. That is when I received harassing messages on Facebook (she blocked her account so I couldn't reply). She even set a date, time and place to where she had said she would clear my head up ( to meet) her messages were nasty and distasteful. And yes her messages were so out of line that I worry about vandalism. Also as an update I informed my husband we would separate until we seen a marriage counselor. I then felt foolish and doubted myself and my gut. So I let it all go. I do feel like I allowed it all to happen by doing nothing ( and to continue to do nothing). I'm at a place in my life where I really have no more fight in me. In the past (for the 1st 3 years of our marriage) my husband was a serial cheater but changed his life around and was baptized. So prior ; I have spent 3 years fighting off women and putting up with their harassment also. Perhaps I just don't want to believe he may have cheated again especially after the birth of our baby as I feel I'm in denial. But then maybe after what I have been through I'm just insecure. ( as the woman whom harassed me stated).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2017): Have you shared her threatening messages with your husband?!! Or because you've snooped around, you're afraid to let him know?
You seem to be placing all the responsibility on her, and acting as though your husband is a stupid boy who doesn't have any awareness of what's going on. He has responsibilities as a married-man to set boundaries; and be sure certain lines are not crossed by other women. That either jeopardizes his marriage, or the safety of his family. He should have made it clear from the start, that he's married and he didn't want any misunderstandings to create unnecessary concerns.
If her father is a cop, he can't protect her if she's harassing or threatening people. You sure know a lot about her, by the way.
I'm not letting you off the hook. When we receive posts from OP's we expect a certain amount of embellishment and slanted stories to gain empathy; or to get uncles and aunts to choose sides. We have to stay neutral getting only one-side to a story. Especially not knowing all the details. This woman's actions are awfully blatant knowing the man has a wife. Your post implies he's 100% oblivious and innocent. I doubt that to be the case. He's not a victim of a fatal attraction. I think he's a full-participant.
If you ask me, your husband is well aware; and he's doing little to nothing to keep her in-check. He could have, and should have, maintained a professional-distance from this woman. My guess is that he's one way with you, and another when around her. Once he was aware you were catching-on, he then passive-aggressively ignores her attempts to connect with him on Facebook. He may be trying to cover his tracks.
I think your problem is more with your husband than with her; in spite of her aggressive actions to get to him. I think there's a reason he left that job and she's trying so hard to make contact.
You went to an ex-coworker and asked questions about her? Which inadvertently let-on that you don't trust him. This works to her benefit. Then on top of that, you've started an online war; and you still haven't placed any responsibility on what his contribution must be in all of this.
Now it looks like you're harassing some woman on her job, which has nothing to do with her workplace. She flipped it around on you, to make you look crazy! And she has your accusations in writing, to which they will both deny!
If you are concerned, I suggest you confront your husband!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): This woman has A LOT of nerve!!!!!
WOW!!!!!
Do you want to put her in her place? Right where she belongs???
Tell her to stay away from you and your husband or you will issue a restraining order on her!!
She has no place in your marriage or in your personal life.
Your husband invited her there. He made her feel like she is more important than she really is. And clearly she is highly UNSTABLE to be building her (non existent) life and actions around YOUR husband!! She wreaks of DESPERATION!!!
Your husband should never have revealed anything to her about your relationship. It IS, WAS and NEVER WILL BE any of her business!!!!
I would be pissed at MY HUSBAND for involving her AT ALL. Period. For having her in his life and encouraging her to be his "FRIEND." There is no friendship here. Only self serving interests on her part. And maybe his. He may have been liking the EGO BOOST from her. He may not be intending to cross the line but likes the thought of a woman who is interested. And maybe his wife being jealous!!! He seems to be pretty insecure having to talk to an outside party - female - which is even worse - about your marital situation. He is a weak, pathetic little coward who is not man enough to talk to you about any problems first. Only YOU. The minute my husband mentioned me to another woman and confided in her would be the minute I told him to fuck off and show him the door.
How invested is HE in your marriage? If he is confiding in other women? Getting too cozy with someone? If he is encouraging other women? Takes TWO to tango. Let's not totally blame her. Your husband opened the door. She is walking through it.
He is the one who needs to shut her down.
You can if you'd like but she won't stop with you. Because she is one piece of work. A desperate one who will stop at nothing it seems. She has no self respect at all. No self esteem either. She seems the type who will trample over everyone and anything that stands in the way of her mission. Winning the "prize" of your husband. Yes, some women are that competitive and self centered. But only because they get the green light from the man to proceed. She may view you as the woman that makes him miserable and needs to rescue him from you!! Who knows what he has told her??? It can't be good judging from her actions towards you!!
He needs to tell her in no uncertain terms that she needs to back off. That he made a mistake in befriending her and telling her personal information. That he LOVES his wife and does not wish to jeopardize his marriage for anyone, including her.
I am not sure your husband is man enough to do that.
Why would you want this kind of a man anyway? He seems to be such a loser! Intertwining himself with this trailer trash type of woman and making your lives into a cheap soap opera drama wreaks of a substandard guy who likes to reel in unstable women for ego boosts. He is not grown up at all. He is immature and idiotic. How long have you been married to this clown? Have there never been ANY red flags to his behaviours before? Did his idiocy just pop up out of nowhere?? That would be a surprise to me.
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A
male
reader, judgedick +, writes (29 July 2017):
I hope you have copied that Facebook harassment, keep it for a long time, this woman is nuts, your husband is standing with you and is not doing anything to draw her, but she is the type that does not take no,
what must she have put in that harassing message to make you feel she will do so much harm to you and your car,
did I miss something or is she still working for the same company as your husband if so can he talk to human relations about her acts,
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 July 2017):
He's discussing your marriage with her and she's calling him her man and all the other stuf you wrote. I would say she already has him. He just hasn't left you yet.
You need to see a lawyer. A good one.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 July 2017):
 You don't mention her husband/partner. Is he around? Where does he figure in all this?
She does sound like she has developed a fixation with your husband. However, your relationship is not with HER but with HIM. HE needs to understand your (understandable) discomfort and demonstrate, by his behaviour towards this woman, where the boundaries are. If he is not prepared to do this, then you need to question how much he cares about you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 July 2017):
First of all, change your privacy settings.
You can report her for harassment to Facebook as it's THERE the harassment happened.
Have your husband seen this message?
I think you need to have a LONG talk with him. She sounds unstable and by NOT cutting her off she thinks she has a chance with your husband.
Now he may not think anything is wrong in her behavior, but I suggest you tell him to turn the whole story on its ear. WHAT if this was a guy you worked with who did all this..... HOW would HE feel? Maybe he needs perspective.
Also, NO MATTER what - IF your husband doesn't STOP encouraging her why should she stop? Because? You don't like it?
YOUR husband is the reason she keeps at it. This isn't totally one-sided, is it? And then even mutual friends are joining in the drama?
And I would suggest he MAIL back that piece of jewelry. He knows where she works so he can mail it there. Again, HOW would he feel if YOU received jewelry from a guy who acted like this woman?
She might BE "after" your husband, but unless HE is willing it isn't going to happen. So FOCUS on your husband here. Not so much her.
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