A
female
age
30-35,
*nique-angel
writes:Hiya, im 18year's old and i met this guy through the net he's 28. he's always been straight with me from the start.we're different religons and will nt be able to get married hesn ever lead me on.now before you think fo me in a bad light i want to say.not as a excuse but i've had a bad childhood yet i'm not a bad person. i was beaten up by my dad regulary and had a close encounter with a peadophile who tried to groom me.I've never done nothing with a guy, personal and cultural choice. but this guy well he stood by me through everythin like when my dad decides to change back into his old self. Hes says even when he gets married wants us to be together forever just our secret and i have got feeligns for him.He says even when i get married still wants me to be with him.i disagreed at first but now.. he's always going to be my friend . when i say don't want to he says okay..let me friends and hekeeps his word.he wants to be my first everything and he does care because talks to me up intil 2am then gives me kisses on the phone. but says doesn't want us2 to go out as boy friend and girl friend,because it'll be more pressure as we wont be able to see eachother often.now i';ve decided i do want to loose it too him. hes the best guy i've had in my life to be honest and the only guy i've told about my past to.i trust him.he said when we have sex hes going to insert his Co-ck into my vagina without a condom so doesn't hurt..go in and out a few times then put a condom on so won't hurt.will i get pregnant this way or is what he sayin makes sense.thanks sorry fo being so long
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Good for you, unique-angel! Except that I (I think I can safely say "we") all hope that after two weeks of no communication, you'll extend it to "NO communication, ever again!"
Don't be persuuaded by him trying to sweet talk you, or God forbid, threaten you!
Write us again if you feel you need to!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, unique-angel +, writes (15 March 2009):
unique-angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhiya every one..firstly i want to say thanks too all your replies.honestly been reading them and its making me think.
i do think i'm lookin at him for some thing that isn't there, just sadly even my family leaves me. Just hruts when any one leaves. But ti's my life thats what's happens so i got to get over it.
i'm going to have time out from him..follow your advice not talk to him for about 2 weeks..or text ...seee what happens from there.
thank you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but it does sound like this guy is trying to use you for sex.
In todays world anybody can get married, if they want it badly enough and this guy wants to have his cake and eat it.
It also seems like you are clinging onto this guy for all the wrong reasons, i can sympathise that he may be the only person you've ever felt you could trust but this does not necessarily make him a good person. Obviously i do not know you or him and therefore can't really comment but this is how it seems from the surface.
proceed with caution and make sure it's what you want, because once your virginity is gone you cant get it back and when you do get married your husband may be able to tell.
So make sure this is what you want!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): I posted earlier this morning. You are Sikh, he is Muslim. I'm sure you know that even if you did marry him, his family would be COMPLETELY opposed to the idea - as would yours. You say it would just kill your mum. So,would really be worth having to say 'bye to your family? Even worse, though: if when you get married it is arranged by your family (I'm assuming that in your culture you don't date and choose your own partners?), then your future husband and in-laws will be expecting you to be a virgin. If not, surely there will be a HUGE uproar and lots of trouble for you when they find out you've already had sex!Again, would it be worth all the aggro, just to have sex with this man?Once again, I strongly urge you to have no more contact with him! He's using you (or trying to). He is not to be trusted. He's a jerk, and you deserve MUCH better than him!!
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (14 March 2009):
 Read this before having sex http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
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A
female
reader, globallight +, writes (14 March 2009):
Condoms do not hurt more - FACT! It hurts less when he is gentle and you are sexually aroused (self-lubricating).Tell him you wont get hurt with a condom and some lubricator. Make sure you buy lube which is approved (and will not destroy the rubber). Or better still use pre-lubricated condoms.The best way to avoid pain of any kind is to be thoroughly relaxed; something which is not going to happen if you are worried about pregnancy. Have him give you lots of foreplay instead to relax your muscles :)Also test this guy out before you do anything, make sure he is genuine!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): I agree with Kylie: this sounds VERY bad!All he wants is to have sex with you - from everything you have told us about what he says, he couldn't be clearer if he shouted it from the top of the roof!Besides, what sort of man would tell you he wants to be your friend "forever" even if he were married to someone else and you were too? Look: you told him you don't want to, and his response was to talk (manipulate) you into agreeing with him! That should tell you something - and its not good news.Yes, you could very definitely get pregnant if you have sex without a condom. What he said about "going in and out a few times, then putting a condom on so you won't get pregnant" is nothing but absolute RUBBISH!!! If you agreed to let him do that here's what would happen: it WOULD hurt and once he gets started with the thrusting, he's not likely to stop until he ejaculates. Anyway, even if he DID stop to put on a condom before then, the truth is that just a tiny bit of fluid from him is enough to impregnate you!You're telling us he talks to you until 2:00 a.m. That's not very considerate of him, now is it? I really hope between Kylie and me, we have convinced you that this man - and he's quite a bit older than you - is definitely NOT your friend; he just wants to control you and take your virginity, and you should drop him completely!Finally, nex time he phones you, tell him once and once only, you don't want to hear from him again, not now and not ever. Then IMMEDIATELY disconnect. No matter how many times he calls you, the second you hear his voice, HANG UP! Change your email address, your phone to an unlisted number if necessary. If he tries coming to your home, don't answer the front door! He is a liar, controlling and very bad for you!Post again and let us know how it goes. I'm concerned for your well-being.
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A
female
reader, unique-angel +, writes (14 March 2009):
unique-angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell he's a muslim guy... im sikh.
yes some do get married etc but with us itd be like sayin bye too all our families and it'd jsut kill my mum to be honest.
so we can't get married anyways and he's got 2year until get arranged married to a muslim girl..i'll get married to a sikh guy.
and i thought that to to be honest...but everytime i say that and we decide lets be mates. we do be and no sex talk nothing. :)
thanks for replyin:)
xxx
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