A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had a date with a shy guy (he even admits to being shy)... Introverted around people in general. I'm an introverted person too so I was expecting that our date would be filled with silences. However, our date was a lot of fun and we had many things to talk about. The date lasted an hour more then it was supposed to and I felt he was doing that on purpose because he didn't want it to end! When it was time for the goodbyes, I felt it was kind of awkward, like he didn't know what he was supposed to do. So we just said bye. Is this textbook shy guy behavior? If a shy guy likes a girl then he will not dare to make a move because he's afraid of rejection?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): No this is textbook NORMAL guy behavior. When a guy, tall, short, blonde, brunette, big talker, small talker, any guy, likes a girl he may not always know what to do because he wants to do everything right and wants for you to like him which may create an awkward moment, especially when you are about to say goodnight which would be an opportune moment for him to kiss you.
Don't pigeon-hole the poor kid. Maybe he is shy maybe he is not. That he is shy is no determinant of his character. Focus on what matters and get to actually know him without the labeling.
A
male
reader, daletom  +, writes (19 December 2012):
I don't know if it's "textbook shy guy behavior" or not, but it sounds like the way I would have behaved - and many would probably describe me as "quiet and shy".
I'm curious about what sort of "move" you expected him to make. Shy or not, I doubt that many guys would hope for much more than an embrace and a few kisses after a first date. (To be sure, they might go through the motions of TRYING to get more than that because culture has conditioned them and they feel obliged to keep up their reputation.)
I'll bet your "shy guy" falls at one of two extremes:
- He's totally uninterested in you in any romantic or relationship sense, though he may consider you a Nice Person To Talk To on occasion.
- He really IS attracted to you and would like to try getting serious, but he certainly doesn't want to ruin the relationship before it has really started.
In this day and age, and especially with Shy Guy, I don't think it's at all improper for a girl to overtly let him know that you're interested. Write him a note, especially if you can put it in a "friendship" or "thinking of you" card. Make it more than one line, but don't go on for more than a paragraph. Mention your time together and let him know that you're interested (if, in fact, you really are - PLEASE don't lead him on if you're not!). You can be fairly direct without fear of looking like you're throwing yourself at him - anything from "I want to see you again soon." to "Let's do pizza and a movie on Friday." is OK. Mail it if you'd like, but it's better if you can leave it on his car or desk or other place where he'll find it, or even coyly hand it to him in passing. It is SO RARE to get ANYTHING hand-written these days that you WILL be noticed and he'll be encouraged!
I didn't date in college, neglecting the few times when friends asked me to join a group to even-up the gender ratio. At 22 I met a girl I had never seen before, had our first date a few hours later, and the evening ended much as you described. Summoning every bit of courage I had, I embraced her and moved to kiss her - expecting to get, at best, a perfunctory peck on the lips and something like "Good night - it was fun.". Well, she let me kiss her, and SHE KISSED BACK. REALLY, SERIOUSLY kissed back! One year plus two weeks after that meeting we married each other, and still are - over 38 years later.
By the way, she's also quiet and shy. But before that first meeting, first date, and first kiss we had been writing to each other, real letters on real paper (or a friendship card or trinket gift), a couple times a week for 3 months. As the letters got more serious we got to know each other better than we would have during several months of "dating". I certainly would have met her sooner except for a distance problem. In retrospect, however, that was an excellent way for two quiet-and-shy people to become personally acquainted with each other.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (19 December 2012):
Yes it sure is. Just don't wait too long before you "arrange" to meet again or you will never know what happens next! No matter how shy you both may be one of you has to make the next move.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): "Is this textbook shy guy behavior"
Yup.
"If a shy guy likes a girl then he will not dare to make a move because he's afraid of rejection?"
Most guys don't make a move on the first date if they want to get serious with a woman.
Sounds like everything went okay OP, just go with the flow and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Sounds like shy guy behaviour to me. I wouldn't think most people would make a move after only one date anyway.
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