A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.Well, first let me tell you the background.I met this guy when he came to give a language class as a substitute teacher at the university. (He's 10 years older by the way, but I'm not a minor so it's completely legal) Because the number of people attending that class is very little, we had the opportunity to talk... and we had that connection immediately.As the time went by we started talking more and more, and little by little the conversations became more intimate. I found out that his life is kind of chaotic now and he's trying to find himself. I couldn't help but notice the fact that he's in a foreign land and has very few people to help him cope with his problems.We did go out twice, but it was like friends... Finally last week he asked me out on a date... but on two days later he got involved in a problem with another school teacher.The day of the date we met earlier... and he told me he was sorry but at the moment he couldn't go out with me, that he had to figure things out. He told me to wait a little bit longer.Sadly my first reaction wasn't empathy, I got mad and I made him notice it. In the afternoon I felt horrible with myself, I still do, and I want to fix things up. I mean I have several problems at the moment and I understand why he said what he said... I want to tell him I'll be patient and I'll be there for him if he needs me. Nevertheless I don't know how to do it, or even if I should do it.I believe that we're both in a hard moment and maybe together we can cope together the messy things we both are going through.I don't know what to do... Is he playing me? Should I tell him? Should I leave? Should I be quiet and pretend nothing happened? Is it true that it can only go wrong when two people are as messed up as we are?I would be grateful if you could help me... Thanks a lot.
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female
reader, Here.To.Help  +, writes (26 November 2010):
I can't really say whether or not he's playing you as I don't know the entire situation.
But like you said, he's in a foreign country, doesn't know many people and is trying to find himself. He's arguing with other staff and do you honestly want to be used whilst he finds his way around?
But then again, maybe he's a genuinely nice guy who does like you. Then it's perfectly acceptable for a relationship between the two of you to come around. But from what you have told, it seems that the best thing to do right now would be to build bridges, be friends, and just let your relationship develop over time.
Hope I helped
Louise x
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