A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up due to his stress level and the upcoming tour in Afganastain. He said that he loves me unconditionally but doens't know if he is coming back, he is scared and that I should live my life and move on. He told me to gog away and I couldn't wait my whole life. I am so hurt, he won't call, text or email, and told me not to either. Everyone has there own opinion, but most say it takes a real man to ensure my happiness first, especailly since there is no guarantee. He said while he was there he needed to focus, he lost firends his first tour and didn't think he'd fall in love again before leaving. I don't know what to do, it's like he is disappearing, military men, police, armed forces guys, is this something that truely happens?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2009): why is it all the women seem to fall for this?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Sorry but i beg to differ, your boyfriend was also highly stressed out by the upcoming tour and im taking it he has no experience beforehand of what it will be like over there.
He may very well be 'playing the martyr' to try and spare you any future pain, if he genuinely is fearing that he may not come home and so he may be cutting himself off to protect you.
If he has told you he loves you unconditionally and you can see clearly that this is so then hang in there,maybe drop him a line when he has been over there a few weeks. By then he may have settled into his role over there and like another poster said there is no reason why he will not have a relationship with you as many others do.
At the moment he is going into the unknown and he is scared,it seems to me he is trying to protect you. Only time will tell whether that is so but i wish you all the luck in the future and the safe return of the man you love x
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (30 November 2009):
 I don't think this is common.
I think that he is using these excuses in order to break up with you. He should realize that it's a little arrogant to assume that he knows what is 'right' for you. I mean obviously you want him! You love him for who he is and what he does, and that means being in the military.
I think his reasons behind breaking up with you were more selfish than he let on. Maybe he doesn't want to go out with a girlfriend at home because he can't handle the long distance or the feeling of commitment overseas. I think he just told you it was for your own good to make it sound like better intentions. I know a lot of men who are in the service and are either married or dating and they stay with their partners, because the love that's shared between them makes the soldier stronger. And it gives him something to come home to. It's not his responsibility to ensure your happiness. That's your responsibility. And no offense, but I think he's playing the martyr part here and using this as an excuse to break things off.
Best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, angel hands  +, writes (30 November 2009):
hi there, i can understand that your hurting! people are sometimes afraid to make commitments and maybe your boyfriend just needs some time to figure out what he really wants in life!! im sure he does love you and you love him, respect his wishes of not emailing, txting for the time being even though i know this is a very difficult thing to do, but maybe when he's ready to chat, txt etc.. he'll realise what a great women he's missing out on and all the great times ye shared together!! best wishes x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): Hi there, I recently went on a short course on post traumatic stress which focused mainly on the American military army. I learnt from this course that there are a lot of American soldiers who are affected psychologically from what they are dealing with going to Afghanistan. Also that soldiers all being unique deal with how they feel in their own way.Im sure your boyfriend loves you dearly and you are right in saying that he is trying to protect you from being hurt. I learnt that these lads are told that they have a high risk of not coming home so sadly it sounds from what you have said that he has prepared himself for that possibly happening.I hope that your boyfriend comes home safe and sound and there's every chance he will, but if im honest with you i think you need to look up what your boyfriend may suffer after he comes back and if you love him then support him and prepare yourself so that he has the best chance of recovering from what is a truly horrible place to be.Sorry but i have to be honest with you on that score but f you love him then hang in there, let him know you will be there when he comes home but most importantly if your relationship is to last there onwards then make sure your clued up to changes in your boyfriend. Best of luck B x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): He's doing something that he feels is best for you and for him. It is common but I'm not sure if it really works. His reasoning is true, he needs to focus over there it's his life and others lives on the line. It can be distracting having a long distance relationship during situations like that. He is trying to protect himself from distraction and he's also trying to protect you from getting hurt if something happens and he doesn't come home. But the reality is that whether you're together or not you'd still be hurt if something happened to him. I think you need to honor his wishes though, and wait until he comes back and then maybe try to start something. Military life is very hard on everyone involved my prayers go out to you both.
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