A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, basically this one guy (John) has liked me for about 6 years (since middle school) but we never really talked much because he was nervous and didn't think I'd be interested. Also, I had a boyfriend for 2 years and a half which we've recently broken up about 3 or 4 months ago. Of course its not like John was obsessing over me, he was doing his own thing, I was just in the back of his mind I guess. Anyways, since I am now single, he started talking to me and made lots of honest attempts to hang out but I always had excuses just because I really am fed up with guys. Eventually I agreed to see him and We hung out a bunch of times and talked non stop for a couple weeks and when we were in the mood, I couldn't say no so we ended up having sex. Everything was still fine afterwords but he said that he wanted to date. (In the beginning he told me he wanted a girlfriend and I let him know that I do not want a boyfriend right now). I told him that I wouldn't be with another guy but I don't want to put a label on just yet. Then we had a couple arguements because I have trust issues and it offends him when I question his intentions and he doesn't believe me that I really have fallen for him. SO now all of the sudden he's being so different and uninterested so I asked him and he said he feels weird now so I asked about what and he said how he feels about me then me (being impulsive)said that I told him how I felt from the beginng and he's the one who tried to change it up so it was wrong of him. I'm just really confused because I feel like I've just started to trust him meanwhile he's just decided to give up. I really need some advice on what he may be thinking. Is this someone who is interested or was it all a game?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): He *is* interested in you, but only if it involves being in a committed relationship. He can't settle for anything less. The reason why he doesn't believe that you've really fallen for him is because you *don't* want to put a label on it (yet), and in his mind, if you were serious about him you'd make your couple official right now! I think, although he knew your opinion regarding dating from the beginning, he was hoping you'd change your mind along the way - especially after the two of you had sex. Since you stuck by your original decision not to date though, he's wondering if *he's* the one wasting his time, hence why he seems to be giving up.
You need to have an honest discussion with him. Both of you are wondering what the other is thinking and probably coming to all sorts of erroneous conclusions. Explain to him the reasons why you don't want to be in a relationship at the moment, and if he truly is the right guy for you then he'll understand that it isn't personal, respect your wishes and wait a little longer. If you do want to be with him for sure though, don't keep him waiting indefinitely because that wouldn't be fair. If you don't - or aren't certain - let him know at once so the two of you can move on.
This was never all a game. He adored you from afar for 6 whole years; if he hadn't been genuine he'd have moved on ages ago. And afterwards, if he'd only been using you for sex he'd have been long gone - yet here he is, desperate to be in a proper relationship with you. I'd say you can trust his intentions towards you :) The ball's in your court now. Good luck and take care x
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