A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend since June and even from the begining she told me she still had feelings for her ex. But she and I pushed foward and wanted to give our relationship a try so we did. What happened was she accidently got pregenant and didn't find out for sure until we started dating. After she told him she was pregenant he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby and said she should get an abortion. She morally couldn't get an abortion and didn't know what to do so she turned to me for help. Anyways a couple months later she found out that she lost the baby and was crushed. She didn't know what to do so she asked if we took a break so she could find herself and all the while she was still in love with her ex so she wanted time to think and find out who she wanted to be with, it hurt but I agreed. About 2 months later she told me that she chose me and wanted to be with me so we got back together. She says she loves me and I love her but she still texts her ex often. I don't go through her phone but she always delets her messages if I was going to hold her phone for what ever reason. It doesn't bother me that she talks to him but what bothers me is when she delets her messages like they were talking about something I should know about. What should I do I've tried talking to her about it but she just gets mad and igonors the question I asked her. Also she has stated she still loves him and that she can't get over him and that she loves me but can't give herself to me fully because she is still in love with her ex. I just feels like its a one sided relationship sometimes and i don't want to break up with her but i don't know what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 You need to tell her what you have just said and that is that you feel her love for you is not as strong as the love you feel for her.
Of course her and her ex shared something which was the fact that they conceived a child together, but at the same time she needs to remind herself that he didn't want anything to do with the baby and for one reason or another, the pregnancy ended. Which maybe in hindsight was a blessing as she wouldn't have received his support whilst she was pregnant or had the baby.
I don't think she is really over her ex or the fact that she lost her baby, I don't think she has properly grieved for that lost baby either.
It isn't fair for you to be MR Rebound guy as that is what it sounds like to me. I know you don't want to break up with her but I think she needs to know that you are not happy about the fact that she has so much contact with her ex and the fact that she deletes the messages, makes you feel like she is hiding something.
It is better to know whether she wants to be back with him and not leading you up the garden path. However, if he doesn't want her back then she needs to face facts and either commit herself to trying to make your relationship work or not as the case may be.
You can't be in a relationship where only one partner is trying and the other isn't.
You deserve better than that and there are plenty of other girls out there that wouldn't treat you in this way. Don't let your feelings for her and the fact that she had a miscarriage, cloud your judgement. Whether she gets mad or not is irrelevant. She needs to be honest with you as you at least deserve that. Either stop the incessant texts to her ex or walk away from your relationship and let both of you be happy.
BFN
Country Woman
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