A
male
age
41-50,
*parky1980
writes:Ive been seeing a girl for about 6 months who is some way younger than me. I am 30 and she is 19. We met through mutual friends of which there is a broad age range. I was cautious at first about anything happening as i was concerned about the age gap and whether people would percieve me as somebody who was taking advantage of somebody younger than myself. But over a period of time we got together. I met her parents whom i get on very well with and she has met mine. They were a little hesitant at first as she was something of a wild child previously involved in drugs and was also quite promiscuous (not something i was aware of before we got together)and saw that my milder side was rubbing off and she was calming down. Her relationship with her parents has improved since we got together. Every thing is going ok except for a few nagging doubts. I will never tell her who she can and cannot see but there has been more than one occasion where after a night out with certain friends of hers i have had to come to her rescue that has left me a little shell shocked. Once involving me receiving a panicked phonecall from her after she and a friend ended up in a strangers house after a night out. I drove 50 miles to get her out of there then after taking her home went to work. Later that evening she was quite flippant about the whole affair which made me quite angry. She will routinely communicate with exs (some quite unsavoury) which i try to ignore as she is free to talk to who she wants. But if an ex of mine comes up in conversation or we run into one, her behaviour is appalling. She works in a bar and does not drive. Most nights i drive the 8 miles or so to pick her up and she often has a drink or two after work. This is fine by me as we all need to unwind sometimes but she seems to completely oblivious to the fact that after returning home late from collecting her that i still have to get up early for work. once after waiting up to collect her we returned home about 1am. she then asked to be driven to another town to go out with friends saying it was fine if i didnt want to. I said that i would rather not as it was late and had an early start in the morning. She went mental.I feel sometimes that my good nauture is being abused.Also i was once in a relationship with a 12 year age gap where i was the younger party. I can already see problems coming to the surfaced in my current relationship that existed in my old one. The frustrations that my older partner once complained of exist but now it is me that feels them. They were ultimately the undoing of our relationship. I have been through to much to subscribe to the belief that age dosent matter and wonder if these frustrations could ultimately end our relationship.I also have developed a mental shift recently that saw me going from never wanting kids to suddenly becoming strangely paternal ( i never saw that coming). She often half jokes about us having kids and i maintain the pretence that i dont want kids, feeling that it would be unfair of me to expect her to go through that when, she could be laying the foundations for her life.Reading this back it sounds mostly negative but we do have a lot of good times and make each other laugh alot. She has a great laugh that is genuinely one of my favourite sounds. And she is very loving and caring and in the time we have being seeing each other she has matured into a bright and considerate young lady but with me she demonstrates such inconsideration and absolutley fails to see anything from my view.Im really in two minds as to continue with it in the hope that it all works out or whether the right thing to do for both of us would be to end it. But i do love her and would be worried about her returning to her previous life of drug taking. when we first got together a former drug dealer of hers in his late thirties was trying to hook up with her. I would feel sick and personally responsible if she were to return to that life in my abscence.So i guess my question is to end the relationship or continue it?
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female
reader, ml.ama  +, writes (12 June 2011):
I reckon she is imature and doesn't have much experiences in serious relationships. (I don't think she is crazy or a bad person)The questions are: are you willing to wait for her to grow up (hoping that she will grow up eventually, but being aware that she might not change or that it may take a lot of time)? Are you happy now with the way things are (knowing there is not such thing as a perfect relationship)? Do you believe in what you have and that you can work it out? Do you really love her? Do you think she really loves?We never know what things can turn out to be. At this point you can either grow together or grow apart. Also, your not responsible for her, she is your girlfriend, not your child. And it is not wise to base your decision on a pontecial future feeling of guilt/regret.But if you are worried about her, and that is natural, one thing is for certain if you truly feel your relationship is not going to last than it is better if you break-up with her now than later (when thing get messy), specially since she is not a stable person.One more thing, I don't think you are very honest/open with her. You are saying that your good nature is being abused. Come on it is unfair to blame her for that, your an adult, she will only take advantage of you if you let her. Talk to her, tell her how you feel about those little things that disregard and bug you. If you feel you can't talk to her (or you are afraid that she "goes mental") than that is not a good sign, is it?
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 The age difference if too big I feel. She is too immature for you. Try dating girls around you own age, and see how that works for a change.
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