A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi...I'm married for 20 yrs, devoted to my family, having full care for my husband and others at home. A fellow whose acts helped me come out of my several severe problems (no family problems, but others), underwent his marital family life ruined (disbelief and disrespect), for helping me. After facing a very tough time from his family's side, both of us suffered a lot. Since now I have come out of my problems (The total credit i give to his efforts, his faith, his affection, his endless blessings, each day his wish to listen to my grinns,and gradually to his caressess, his coddlings, his kisses and his constant prayers for my happiness all thse years) and now he is in pain from his family's side for the sincere help he did to me, is it right on my part to leave him since he understands all this happened because of LOVE?It is his faith that he loves me. He believes i may be a person to the world but he is the person to whom i am the world! We now live at far of places and can hardly meet, yet no day goes without caressings, kissings, making me grinn, and expressing his love for me. We both do not deny from our social and family responsibilities. Yet, what is that inspires me to care for his happiness, his respect,his satisfaction? Though i'm the last person in the que of sex,(of course i love romance),then why (even after having expressed my feel of dislikings) by and by i agreed to listen to his all sorts of physical talks (over phone), why i gradually began to like all that although it was never my intention, why i began to care the person who would unrightfully dare to love me, kiss me, cuddle me? (Of course nothing is at the cost of families). He might be wishing to have physical relation but i didnt wish that. Then why even after understanding his wish, all my efforts go for the act to his satisfaction? Why he seems to me as important as the word which is utmost required to fill in the blank to make the whole sentence meaningful. Why i feel life would be meaningless without him? Nothing materialistic we expect from each other. Only that a kind of respect we gave to each other's individuality. He says This is LOVE. What do you say? To me his happiness and satisfaction and respect is prime (of course after our families). After struggling with myself, i find that i can not afford to see him hurt. Do you think this is really LOVE ?Pl.Tell.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Dear love girl,Life is not alwyas 2+2=4. It is a huge poetry of feelings/incidents/accidents and even mistakes at times. which change all the rules in a moment. Yes, at times it is also drama,but yet more poetic. Our meeting was not a so called affair. His family did not get upset after our affair! Our meet took this shape after a very long time of their upset ,rigid and foolish behaviour about our fiendship.. It weren't we who hurted anybody, instead, we tried to always heal them at the highest costs. It were the others who hurted them out of jealousy, that the person whom they were enjoying hurting had now got a strong shield protection. Instead, the hard and tough time had actually dragged us both to such a way where we are not intentionally. In all such difficult situations too, his silent favour continued and there was no way left for me to refuse because that would have left him further in a foolish stage,and me in a more difficult situation. Do you think that would have been a better option? Would his rigid family (who inspite of all our true efforts were not ready to trust their man but the outsiders) have convinced then ? Even today neither he himself speaks any bad words for his family's foolish acts, nor do i ever abuse. We still love and respect each other's family. But this is the world where now, if your own heart refuses to cooperate, you are bound to go for heart transplantation. What now my presence is doing in his life is that acting only as an oxygen cylinder to let him breathe till the things get finer. Since i am not cylinder, only acting as it, the things seem to take a different shape. That normally people call it affair or drama , as you did. BUt its not that cheap. years have gone but we have not made any exact physical relations and since we are totally at far pf places, the chances are also least to least. yet we feel like caring for each other's happiness. That is all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Thanx a lot Krit for understanding my problem not in the very general way as did my next replyer "love girl".As per your check points, i need to say ÿes for evety thing except that neither of us intend to Start a family or take care of each other's family. Here does my real question lie. IS MARRIAGE MUST TO ATTEST LOVE ? Is there no love if there is no need of marriege ? Is marriage the destination of love ? When this fellow came in my contact,i was in such a worst shape of my life that nobody could even think of any such thing. His entry helped me like some healing ointment. It was honest and selfless help he did to me and succeeded. But only that the people jealous of my happiness misguided his family. This resulted gradually in him to the different kind of diversions and expectations from me. Since i am highly obliged of his kind help (where his family life was unintentionally left to sparks), I feel impossible on my part to refuse his desires (which happened to be the later result of his family not understanding that our meeting was not to harm them but to help me as a good colleague and not let the wrong people win upon me). May it sound as if he is trying to get reward and use me for the help he did to me and for what he lost in this path. True. I also thought for all these years the same way and tried to avoid his undue feelings and wishes. I believed that now it was my turn to not to leave him all alone deserted, since his family is not cooperating with him. But inspite of his wish of loving me (not to THAT extent), he himself agreely advised me to go to the other city on my promtion (knowing the fact that he might miss my physical presence perhaps forever), realising and accepting the fact that i could never never be truly happy in that place/among those people who enjoyed hurting me. Since last two yrs,we have only contacts over phone and this makes me feel great that there is somebody alwyas for me, to help me, guide me, advise me truely. What if he asks to kiss me. He gets the right because he'd been caring me honestly.Am I right if i think this way ? Is it LOVE ? Please do reply.
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A
male
reader, krit +, writes (15 June 2011):
 According to me, love is a delightfully confused state of mind in which we make some unrealistic decisions, decisions which we wont take deliberately in rational state.Everything seems to be so perfect that its hard to believe how blessed we have been.BUT it still not complete part of the story. We fantasize and think more than to ACT and LEARN. Of-course it feels good to not listen to our logical mind and follow our heart but in order to make ANY relationship work we have to the opposite. LOGIC'S help to take right decisions under any condition and EMOTIONS makes us vulnerable to an extent that we go insane. We humans need to back up our logic's with emotions to feel normal but it is the toughest thing to do so we choose the other way round, IE, back up emotions with logic's. WE break and customize the truth to fit in to our current needs. It is a continuous battle between the right and left part of brain to take any decisions. SO to know that this thing which you have is is love or not,forget about how you feel about him first and honestly answer the following questions ( in priority order) --"was he there for me when i needed him???""will he still care if im at my worst???""would he able to make me feel good to accept my weakness and face them??" "if things go wrong would he able stand up and be a MAN and hold my hold my hand and face the world without thinking about anyone else""is he an responsible ADULT to understand my NEEDS???""does he care about family values and want to start a family??""would he be a good father figure to my children??""is he financially stable to provide security to me??"IF answer to all of the above questions is "YES" then back up this with --- "how good he makes me feel,how intimate we both are,what more he can bring to my life when we are together"And if thinking about this gives you butterflies in your stomach then "YES,YES,YES THIS IS LOVE."Chase it down before this butterfly fly's always, its hard to find but adorable to keep. It would make you a more complete person. You would be more happier and this would come up on face and people be able catch that bst of luck krit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): If I understand your drama correctly you are married and you have been having an affair with another married man?
No wonder his family is upset! And rightly so. No matter how much you justify this "affair" both u and this man are wrong seeing that u have hurt a lot of people on either side of your family.
Stop all the kisses, caressess and other forms of sexual betrayal. You are a married woman and should behave like one!
LoveGirl
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