A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:for the past year or so ive noticed that my sex life has been getting worse.Embarrassingly enough i cant keep an erection for too long during sex. Its weird because i can get an erection no problem, maintain it no problem, get a blowjob and finish easily but as soon as i begin to have vaginal sex i either have to finish quickly or risk getting soft.ive been with my wife for a total of 7 years, married for 2. i know its nothing shes doing wrong. i just brought it up recently (although im sure shes noticed)and she said its because my back is hurting me. i know thats not the reason either because this has been going on for about a year. so in my opinion it could either be. 1. i subconciously find my wife less attractive(i dont think this is it)2. I need to go on some sort of pills because my hormones are messed up.3. maybe i should start to lose weight, start working out? im not horribly fat, i could afford to lose 20-25pounds though.anyone else going through this? i dont believe its E.D. because i have no problem achieving an erection, i just cant maintain it during vaginal sex.
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male
reader, Miniminmin  +, writes (20 April 2017):
Hi mate, I don't know if this is still relevant given the age of the post, but I figured I'd chime in at least for people who may come across this later. I am actually going through something similar, except unlike you it is not the first time for me. What you have IS an erectile dysfunction. ED doesn't just mean you can't get it up at all, it covers anything from not being able to get it up at all to simply having problems maintaining it in certain situations. I am having this problem as well, almost exactly as described with my current girlfriend. For me it first happened with my previous girlfriend about 5 years ago, but I put it down to the fact that the relationship had become a train wreck, and I had performed with another girl a few times between that and my current relationship just fine. It only started happening with my current gf recently, and I could feel myself struggling almost right from the start anyway. I have seen a doctor about it recently and she thinks it's most likely performance anxiety and is pretty normal, though a bit uncommon in men our age. If this is still a problem for you then you should see a doctor to rule out any physical issues, and seek out advice on over coming the anxiety.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2016): You're not too overweight, but if you are out of shape and do not eat right (meaning that you lack some vital nutrients!), you may start having problems in that department even at your age.I know that you don't want to think that you could possibly find your wife less attractive, but these things happen. I've notices that whenever I put on some weight (not much, like 6-8 pounds), my husband and I have less sex. He's not even aware of it and when I point out the obvious he claims it has nothing to do with it. (btw, he's an athlete and watches his diet, so no problem there). Anyway, it's not just about looks, it's how women react when we put on weight, or feel less attractive for any other reason.Also, if you feel that you do not need to woo your wife any more, as if she'll always be there, you may lose interest.But, first do what you can. Start eating right and exercising! Give yourself time.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 If you feel a bit over weight then it will do no harm eating healthy food and going to the gym. It might actually work well for you. You might be feeling anxious during sex in case it happens again and you lose your erection and that could be why you keep losing it, it is a vicious circle really. You know that their is nothing physically wrong, therefore it does sound physiological. That does not mean your wife is any less attractive to you, it could be just that it happened a few times and now you are scared to relax during sex.
Try doing new things. Introduce sex toys, try new positions, watch porn together.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 May 2016):
 We are wired for promiscuity while being just capable of monogamy. We are not meant to get excited by fishing the same fish in the same pond, after several years together. You can either spice things up, go to the gym together, or accept that it's normal for couples to go through dry spells. If that means you don't have sex as frequently. If you freak out because you feel it's the end of your manhood it just makes things worse. Your mind creates an anxiety loop and a cycle. In the meantime you can still use your tongue and fingers.
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