A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago i started seeing a ob-gyn, cause i have problems conceiving etc.this is a man that is old enough to be my father and i'm almost 30.I feel a strong weird connection with this man, on one of my visits i was bummed out when i saw that my chances of getting pregnant are very low and he grabbed my hand...all i can remember is the feeling of his hand on mine.A few days ago i had a small procedure done and i was a wreck cause i had to be under anesthesia etc, i saw my doctor in the OR a few seconds before they put me to sleep and he was gently smiling telling me it will be okay.When i was in the recovery room, he passed by again for a few seconds while i was waking up, he caressed my cheek, smiled and walked away...that plays in my head over and over like a video.When i went home i remember being upset because he didn't take the time to stay with me a lot longer etcIs this normal? i can't stop thinking about him!!!Am i reflecting psychological issues about my absent father figure on to this man? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 I don't think his actions towards you have been inappropriate. I also don't think this is absent father syndrome. I think you have seen this man as a role-model and a supportive figure in your life. The attraction could never develop as it would ruin his professional career - relationships with patients are a definite no, no for doctors. Deep down you probably know this and it makes him a safe target for your affections/ crush on him. He will not (or should not at least) reciprocate and you can focus on analysing the situation between you two in a number of ways. I don't think that makes you a 'psychological' case or anything too sinister to be honest. It just sounds like a harmless sort of thing. Be thankful that you have such a caring clinician looking after you, not all doctors have such high interpersonal skills!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 December 2009):
He's powerful, being nice, and has the power of being able to give you a baby.
It's hardly surprising that your subconcious is projecting all kinds of crap onto him.
If you are trying for a baby then I assume you have some kind of man around to have a baby with? Try and think about him instead.
It's a very emotional time for you at the moment so my best advice would be to just chill out, accept that your brain is full of hormones and going crazy. Don't sit and analyse your relationship with your parents as you'll drive yourself mad. Just get out of the house or do something active to take your mind of things. I bet you've got a tonne of Xmas shopping left to do? Or a loft / shed that needs clearing out? Something at work to throw yourself into?
Do a big job and get your mind off this whole thing.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): this man is just being a good doctor. He feels nothing for you other than care for his patient. If you try and talk to him about your feelings for him, every doctor has a 'psycho' list and you will be put on it plus transfered to another doctor and he will never want to see you again. I have also had a crush on my young hot gynae and one time, I decided to chat to one of the friendly gossipy nurses in his practice. I asked if he had ever had problems with his patients liking him and she told me that they had had problems with at least 6 patients. One woman after being turned down had actually filed a suit accusing him of inappropriate behaviour and he was acquitted. So its likely that several of your doctor's patients have felt this way as well and he will ruthlessly cut you off if he has to, in order to save his reputation. In their medical training they have a module which includes how to deal with patients who fall in love... You don't want him to bring this manual out. Just enjoy the crush in your mind ad let it pass.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): I don't know what you are reflecting but a lot of doctors care about their patients and try to be comforting and have a good bedside manner....he probably sees you as a daughter he is protecting and possibly you were there alone and he wanted to comfort you since you did not have anyone there for you. Don't let ideas get into your head, he is your doctor and has a professional almost father figure type relationship with you. Doctors really do get attached to some of their patients and actually care about them as people, that is all this is.
It isn't unusual that you responded to his kindness with some feelings of your own. It doesn't mean anything except that you had another human being care about you and that seems to be pretty rare in today's world, so just be appreciative that you have such a nice doctor.
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