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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: *OP's own title*Let's call the boy I'm interested in, "Jeremy". So for the past 3 years, I've been very attracted to Jeremy. He seemed amazingly perfect for me. He wasn't like any of the other guys I've ever known.He dresses nice and has style, everyone likes him, he has a perfect 4.0 GPA, president of the school involved in a ton of activities, VERY smart, has a successful life ahead of him, nice, etc. Perfect. Great taste in music. Very cool in this nerdy cute way. I think I loved him since we met. And later, the first year we'd met, he admitted he'd liked me as well. I was everything to him. But we agreed being friends was best for the moment. Things went wrong, and we drifted apart. I always liked him though. I waited and waited for him to come back. But it seemed like I no longer existed to him. But sometimes, if we'd be somewhere together, a dance, a party with friends, even just at classes, I'd be laughing with my friends and see him looking at me. I loved him a lot. Then, just before summer (The first year we'd met) I called him and told him I liked him a lot. He said, he did not feel the same way about me.The next year, still, I seemed nonexistent to him. And I still loved him. Let's call this next boy, "Tyler." Tyler is one of Jeremy's best friends. They're exact opposites. On the outside, it looks as if they'd be similar. On the outside, everyone likes Tyler. He's pretty outgoing and "Cool" in most crowds. Because I still was dreaming over Jeremy and he didn't like me, I decided it had to stop. So, when Tyler asked me out, I said yes. And it ended up lasting 8 months. We had sex. He yelled at me. He treated me horribly. I'm not the type girl who gets all lost in a boy though. He made me change so much, I can hardly believe that was me. Those eight months were a huge nightmare. It caused a lot of trauma. He lowered a lot of my self-esteem and told me a lot of lies. The whole while, I had been desperately in love with Jeremy. I waited and waited for him to come and take me away. Only, he never did. I did my best to try to make Tyler happy and make things work. But he was such a jerk. He cheated on me with several girls and ended up with his 'best friend' and broke every piece of sanity I had left. He had been cheating on me basically for all those months. It had all been one lie. I wasn't special. I spent a whole summer in some weird realm of insanity. After all that time, I still dreamed of Jeremy. I dreamed of finally being able to kiss him. I wanted to regain my innocence and happiness. I wanted to be ME again.The beginning of the next year was a struggle. Many boys continued asking me out. I always refused. Some asked me simply if I'd be their "fuck friend" (Oh the nerve!) and I'd cry endlessly for hours. I felt horrible about myself. I'm a good person though. I volunteer. I'm nice to everyone. I try hard to be a good, likable person.But things got better. I regained confidence over time. I'll be entirely honest. I began to come in contact with Jeremy in late-October/Early-November. We were casual friends. We'd email and talk during classes and could see each other again.I began to feel that outrageous hope again that maybe he'd feel some affection for me. But I found it unlikely. I'm boring and plain, just me. But he thought I was worth everything.He began to feel those feelings for me again.In January, we admitted feelings for each other. But we both agreed it best not to start anything. (I want to remind you, Jeremy has never hurt anyone, no one has ever been mad at him, he's practically perfect). One Saturday, there's a small get together at a friends house. Jeremy and I spend the whole night together in a room. We talked and laughed and he held me and kissed me--finally kissed me. I'd waited so long for that. He told me such amazing things. He made me feel like no one has ever made me feel. I cried, I was so happy that this was finally happening. And he said, I was the best girl he'd ever met. Though he's attractive, he's very busy and focuses most of his energy in his academics. He doesn't save much time for girls.We got pretty intimate (not sex though). It was still, one of the most amazing nights of my life. Because, it had been with one of my first great loves. I was so happy.But, how could he be with me? He's best friend's with Tyler. But I don't get this. He liked me first. I liked him before I ever liked Tyler. This isn't why he said it was best to stay just casual friends. He said people were starting to say stuff. He tried really hard not to hurt me. But I felt like, behind everything he was really saying, "You just weren't worth it."It broke my heart sorely. Maybe that's silly to say. But I feel like he's the most perfect person I met in all my life.We're back to where I don't think he quite notices me. He does though. He says he feels very bad. And in a way, I think he does. He's never hurt anyone, before. He now likes one of my dearest friends though. And she likes him. They constantly flirt in front of me. And it hurts me really bad.My questions are:1. Is it weird to hurt this bad over a silly crush?2. Is he a bad guy, or was he a good guy and it just wasn't meant to be?3. Is this all my fault? Am I really just not worth it?4. Should I give it up? I can't stop dreaming about him though...5. all I want is to talk to him. To ask HIM all these questions. But how can I ever talk to him? He didn't answer my calls, but that was 2 months ago.6. What do I do now?Thanks for any help.I'm sorry, this is very nondescriptive. There's more to the story. Lots more. If you have any questions, just ask.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 1)no it's not weird. It happens all the times. make sure though you don' make it worse by wallowing in self pity.
2)nobody is all good or all bad and this is not even a matter of being good or bad ,it's just that between you something didn't click, that's all. Of course Jeremy might have avoided giving you false expectations if he was not sure of his feelings for you, but this is a level of maturity that can't really be demanded from a guy his age.
3)It's not your fault and it's nobody's fault. Jeremy did not like you enough to be with you- and there could be one hundred other guys who think differently from him and will be happy to be with you. It's about personal preferences, not about "worth"
4) yes ,give up. You'll keep dreaming about him for a while,but less ans less, if you make a conscious effort to take an interest in other people than Jeremy and other activities than mourning a failed romance
5) don't call him. what would you accomplish by calling him ?It would be just a waste of time.What can the poor guy say , other than "sorry I did not like you that much " or "sorry I thought I liked you but then I changede my mind "? How is that going to make it in any way better ?
6) now, you move on. you work a lot on your self esteem so that you don't have to feel crushed if some guy rejects you, and you do not let your sense of self worth be affected by being more or less popular with guys. You make an effort to keep busy, meet new friends, exercise, start new hobbies, anything but keeping living in the past.
Good luck !
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