A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfirend lives thousands of miles away. We've been together for over a year but living apart. We speak a few times a week and rarely actually see each other. I have no doubt that he cares about me and would like to be with me however i'm not sure we have a future together. Niether of us can move to live with the other right now, its just not possible. I want nothing more than to be with him but i'm not sure how much longer i can wait, its too hard. And here's the thing, he's very important in my life, up there with priority number 1 but i dont think i am for him. He has a busy hard life and doesnt really have much time for me. I can understand it but when i am waiting and hoping that he'll come to me it can be very hard. I'm not sure what to do next. Its hard to talk things out via short conversations. I might be able to go visit him in a few months but i'm not sure if its a good idea. Like i said he doesnt have much room in his life for me right now but he said he'd try. Then there's money, its so expensive to keep going out there. And if there is no future then it will be too hard to leave him again. We are not going to be able to be together for a year at least....i just dont know what to do. Should i at least go out there and talk to him face to face? Wait for the man i love, no matter how hard? Or give up the best and hardest thing i've had in my life? Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): I've been going through something rather similar for a year now. I met the man who I'm convinced is the love of my life but we are countries apart. I've gone to see him once, but his life is really busy and it was a disaster of a trip. Partly because it was so hard for both of us not to be emotional, because we want to be together so much and we only had a couple of days. Also he still had to work and stuff so it was basically only a couple of hours each night that we got to spend with each other.
I have tried the staying "together" bit and the "moving on with our lives" thing...but nothing really works.
It's tough when you have to end a relationship for reasons other than not being in love anymore. Specially when you feel it's the "one" relationship for you.
All I can say is that if you both trully want to be together you'll find a way. You may be apart physically, but you can talk to each other every day via phone, email, text messages, letters.... there are a million and one ways now a days. There's video, etc... I won't lie and say it's going to be easy...because it very well is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, but if I cna be with him in the end it'll be worth it.
I cna't sit there and worry if the time I'm putting into it right now will be "lost" if we don't end up together, because that's part of what I'm willing to "lose" for him.
I don't know why, myabe it's just a girl thing that we care more or that maybe we SHOW that it affects us more than guys. I mean, they are able to go on with their lives as if it didn't matter whether we're a part of them or not...(because that's how my guy acts).... while I think about him 24/7 and I live for our little convos.... but I like to think that we are just as important to them as they are to us...just turns out that they are guys and deal differently...
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (25 May 2007):
Back before airplanes and trains, many relationships and even marriages had to deal with long separations.
Not everyone is cut out for it, but the usual problem is fidelity. If fidelity isn't a problem, then loving then the only problem you have is the distance and time apart.
For me, being apart physically has very little meaning. All I need is reassurance that the other person cares for me and loves me, and that I trust them to remain that way and not to cheat or do anything that would hurt me.
And if he can't leave where he's at, what are the chances of you moving to be with him in a few years?
Oh, and one thing that enhances long distance relationships is the handwritten letter. Instantaneous communication isn't always helpful, and love letters are a dying art form. Think about it.
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