A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I desperately need some relationship advice please!Me and my boyfriend have been together about 2 and a half years now, we're both 22 and we live together. We both have very good jobs and we stay at his family house (all his family live away.) We're having troubles and I've noticed it for a while now. I've never really felt completely head over heels in love with him, but I love who he is, if that makes sense? I used to think opposites attract but lately it seems that we are just too opposite to be together. I want adventure and to try new things like go to the gym or sports or activities as long as it's doing something, he wouldn't mind doing nothing, I want to travel properly whereas he'd want an all inclusive kind of thing. (Not that there's anything wrong with that of course, I just feel like cracks are showing where we have nothing in common..) We argue so much lately over everything, sometimes it's really really bad and he screams at me and it's not nice. We hardly really have sex, the drive has both gone for us really and we can both feel it. If I agree to it, I stop halfway most of the time because I just feel nothing.I have anxiety which I've got medication for which is really helping, but some days I do get quite down and he just doesn't understand, he takes it as a personal attack if I'm quiet even though I've told him beforehand and he makes it worse by shouting and or making an argument on top of that. I don't know if I should be with him anymore. I'm worried about living and I'm scared if I move out, I'm going to hate being by myself or somewhere I don't feel comfortable and I'll want to go back to him and mistake that for missing him instead of just not being satisfied where I'm living. Don't get me wrong, when it's good it's good but when it's bad it's pretty terrible. I don't know what to do, any advice on how to tell if you should break up with someone or if it's just a slump in the relationship? X Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 You know deep down he is not the one for you, yet it seems you are staying with him as you have no where else to go. Do the kindest thing and end things, it is not fair on you or him to keep this relationship going. He doesn't understand your anxiety, it is a common problem in a relationship when one person doesn't understand what it feels like. Don't stay with him just because he puts a roof over your head. Go and live your life to the fullest.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 You shouldn't be with someone that you feel no romantic feelings for. I mean, if you can't even be intimate with him and have you feel something during, then something is terribly wrong. I think that staying out of comfort and familiarity is not the way to go. If the two of you are both just caught in this comfort zone where it's hard to leave because it's more convenient to stay then what's the point?
Don't you want to live? Don't you want to experience life? Clearly he is holding you back from doing all the things that you wish you could do. The whole point of having a partner is to have someone that you love, adore, and can experience all that life as to offer with. You like him as a person but you don't love him and neither are the two of you doing anything that you'd like to do. It's like you're stuck being stagnant but it's convenient because it's easier to stay where you have a place, where you won't have to face questions and where you know you both afford the living expenses quite comfortably BUT that isn't life and that sure isn't living. Life is for the living.
Honestly speaking, it's time to branch out and it's time for you to start enjoying your life. You're so young and in dependent and if you're not getting to enjoy the cash that you work for then of what use is actually having a good job?
You need to speak to him and you need to come to an understanding that the two of you will be better off going your separate ways.
Don't be afraid to start over, who knows, you might just end up creating life long memories once you rid yourself of this stagnant and boring relationship.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 October 2017):
 If you've both noticed it then I'd say he feels the same.
The second you start doubting your love for each other then I'd say the relationship is on the way to ruin. If you don't think to yourself 'yeah this guy is the one' then why waste your time staying? Don't settle for anything in life, its way too short not to have what you truly want.
Break up and find someone that fulfills your needs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2017): You don't love each other, and remain together out of force of habit. That's not a relationship; that's codependency.
You fear being alone; and it seems he's just used to having you around. You pay half the bills, you get along most of the time; and you are basically roommates. Keeping each other company.
I think it is time for you to move on and learn some independence. You need that adventure, and to pursue those activities you mentioned. Get-out and live! You're too young to be sitting around like two old married-people.
You don't remain in a relationship; because you're afraid to fend for yourself. You aren't in-love with him; but he's a better option than being alone? How do you know that? You haven't lived alone to find out!
Time to grow-up! You've got all sorts of stuff going around in your head that you won't come right-out and tell him.
That's why "when it's bad, it's terrible!" The frustration builds until you blow-up! He gets on your nerves! You're bored stiff, and pretending to be in a relationship.
Your subconsciousness-mind is craving all those things you said you want to do; but you can't admit to yourself that you'd rather do it without him. Then your fear of loneliness sets-in, and you give-in to it.
I guess like most people, you hang-on until the relationship deteriorates into that final brawl. That's when you'll have a terrible break-up. Nobody wants to make the first-move in that direction; so you're going to let inertia do it for you.
It's time to part. You feel nothing for him. If you can admit that to us; I guess you have to admit it to him...and to yourself.
It is time for a talk; or you can wait until you get angry enough during an argument to end it on the spot. That's often how it's done.
There's no slump. You don't love him.
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