A
female
age
36-40,
*attyfatty
writes:I'm in a tricky situation. Been with my boyfriend for 5 years and thought I was perfectly happy, I'm very much attracted to him and love him, and we've gone through a lot together. Recently I've noticed there is a guy on my undergrad program and we really just click and I think he like me too, I always catch him looking at me, when he stares into my eyes I can feel something and I'm always the one who has to stop us looking into each others eyes, he always notices things about me like if I'm wearing a new top or something.I dunno how to act around him any more cos the sexual chemistry between us is overwhelming. He has a gf and knows I have a boyfriend, so I don't think either of us will ever admit we like each other, I have to spend a lot of time with him because he's on my course, so I don't really know how to act around him any more. I feel guilty for having this sexual chemistry with him and I don't think it's a purely physical thing cos we both seem to get each other too well, it's like he's my perfect match. I dunno maybe this is just a crush cos I've been with the same guy since I was 16!Any advice would be much appreciated, I can't get this outta my head.
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male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Do what you wish. You will do it anyway. Don't be surprised when your BF is not understanding of this. But I wonder why it took you all this time to say that you were on the break. It was a valuable piece of the puzzle that may have changed my opinion had I been given that in the original post.
However, I have not changed my opinion.
If you just engaged in cybersex with this guy...your protestations that you "understand" your feelings towards your boyfriend are clear. You dont love your boyfriend, simple as that.
I am harsh because I was subjected to cheating twice. The first time ended my enagagement that was less than a month away from me getting married. I dont wish it upon my worst enemy.
If you have any respect for your BF you have to come clean with him now.
A
female
reader, cattyfatty +, writes (27 April 2009):
cattyfatty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno ur right was sooo wrong of me (dont need to be sooo mean tho!), just i hadnt been getting this sorta attention off my boyf in a long time and its not like i havent sed it to him, i have and hes great for a while and then he just stops the magic again, he had become complacent with me sooo i think maybe i just fell for this new guy, i know that doesnt justify it at all tho. When my boyf realises other guys are attracted to me hes all over me, but then he just sorta settles down again. I think its a little harsh to say i cannot be trusted, i have been a very good gf to him and he knows it and i have always stood by him when hes done things, this is the first cock up ive made in 5 years, and at 20 i thik its ok that i was curious, not the best circumstances no but I do now know that it was just sexual frustration and that its my boyf who i really like, ive been with the same boy since i was 15 ive never laid a hand on another guy so i have wondered what it would be like to kiss another boy and i dont know. I think my boyf will understand this aswel as we've been on a break for the past month as we agreed we need to try the whole being seeing to see if were right for eachother as we cant compare eachother to anyone as we'd never had another partner, but we've still been kissing and stuff thats y i still count him as my boyf and we havent officially broken up just on a break and i dont think neither of us actually want to be on this break. Tried to bring it up with the guy today saying i feel sooooo guilty and awful bou it, but he doesnt really seem to feel guilt to the same extent as i do and i know ive put his relationship on the line but if i come out with this to my boyf that totally ruins the guys relationship with his gf and i think really he should be telling her and he has begged me not to say anything. i know my boyf will understand, it will be a shock of course but it was the purpose of the break and has helped me to understand my feelings towards him which are still very very strong, i could really c myself with him, and i know he has to do the same thing to in order to decide. Long term childhood sweetheart relationships are different to the norm cos uve never been with anyone else so u can think ur totally infatuated but never totally sure, thats y i believe a trial period can be good. Do i come out with this though and ruin the guys relationship with the girl or do i leave it to him to do his dirty work?
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (27 April 2009):
So basically you didn't care about your BF when you had cybersex? Jesus, two days before you said you were gonna not rush into anything, two days later you have emotionally cheated with this guy...So now you have done what just I warned you about....CYBERSEX IS CHEATING!!!Once again, if it feels like there is something wrong with it...it usually is. It saddens me that you had so little respect for your bf after you acknowledged that there were two innocent people involved. So here comes the last thing I say about it, and its gonna be harsh, but you deserve itBE HONEST WITH YOUR BF NOW AND HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT FOR WHAT YOU HAD BY TELLING HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND LEAVING HIM!! ITS OBVIOUS YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED AND HE SHOULD NOT BE SUBJECTED TO YOU ONE SECOND LONGER
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A
female
reader, cattyfatty +, writes (25 April 2009):
cattyfatty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok this is now getting outta hand, we were on msn were very very flirty, we were rating people and he told me he thought i was hot and he liked me, so then i owned up, and we agreed to do nothing cos it would hurt too many people and we also sed we could end up hurting eachother if things didnt go well but we were bummed at it aswl cos were both pretty crazy bou eachother.wen we were expressing ourselves things got a lil much and turned into cyber sex, we've agreed to do nothing and i feel sooo guilty bou it despite it being amazing. were just trying to be normal now and have agreed that we wer just getting it out of our systems. i dunno how i let this happen i feel awful, i will neer do anything like that again, and hes apologised for innitating it ans stuff but i still went with it. oh god!ADVICE ANYONE??
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A
female
reader, cattyfatty +, writes (23 April 2009):
cattyfatty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for the advice, i really appreciate.
yeah im not gunna rush into it. ive been thinking about it for the last few days and i'm still very much head over heels in love with my boyfriend, but i find it scary to think that i havent been with anyone but him in such a long time, and if we broke up id regret it and miss him instantly and want him back, but i feel like im missing out on being single at times, and i think maybe this new guy has just reminded me of the whole single life and the chase that can be soo fun, despite us both being attached! Sometimes i wish i was single but still with my bf!
It might be normal to be attracted to other people i think thats what im wondering really, cos with this guy when he looks at me i can tell were both feeling the same, but maybe its intensified by the fact that we know we cant have eachother, i guess im flattered aswel by the fact that i think he feels very strongly about me. I think maybe he likes me more than i like him, like he always wants to be around me, and the way he looks into my eyes is just insane and he always talks to me on msn and when we were in college the other day his gf rang him and she obviously asked him who he was with cos he sed he wasnt with any1, and then it clicked with me u no that he felt he had to lie bou me to him even tho we werent doing anything out of the ordinary. At the same time tho i really think he's fighting his feelings for me like he mentioned his gf the other day straight after gazing into my eyes for a good few seconds when i was explaining something to him, it was like he felt guilty. weve never talked bou it at all and I can tell he's trying really hard, but sometimes its like he just forgets he has a gf and he rarely ever mentions her, he let down his guard and when he does i think he forgets bou her.
Yeah ur right there are 2 innocent people in this and i think maybe this is just a bit of a crush cos i havent seen him today and i didnt really think bou him much, its just the whole chemistry thing between us that completely confuses me u no and then i spend ages thinking bou it. I dont think i could ever cheat on someone, i dnt think its in me, well i hope not, its just really tough when emotions are all over the place
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (23 April 2009):
First thing you have to do is consider a couple of things....
Is this new guy someone you can see yourself with, or is it because you have become complacent with your BF? Is there something wrong in your current relationship. Because as opposed to the fairy tales children have been brought up with, unless you are naive you are obviously looking for a trade in.
so do this. Be honest with your BF. I think 5 years together merits a little respect for him, dont you. Give him and yourself to work on your current relationship before you either break it off or (god forbid) cheat on him.
I know this may seem a little harsh, but I am simply trying to make you look at it from a realistic point of view.
Because there are two innocent people involved here...your boyfriend and his girlfriend. Im sure your BF would in the long run rather you either give him a chance to work things out, or at least have you end the relationship in an honest manner if your heart isnt in it any longer than sink to the ghastly level of cheater. Once you become a cheater...a cheater you will always be. You are very young, and you dont want to have that hanging over your head through your adult life as it clouds every action you take romantically
so think long and hard before you make a decision, I hope things turn out for the best
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