A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently had a sleepover at my boyfriend's. A few months back we lost our virginity to each other. While we have regular sex, I found it weird that he tried to have sex with me when I was sleeping. It did not happen once but twice during the night and I was awoken by his actions each time. What puzzled me even more was the fact that he'd wait for me to fall back asleep before attempting to have sex with me again. Is this normal guy's behaviour? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 January 2014):
 That is a very creepy red flag. When you're asleep, you can't consent to have sex. People do it for different reasons. A lot of which is power - some fetishes for guys (and women who like to wake their men up with BJ's) get off on trying to cause a sleep orgasm. Others simply like the control and domination of having sex with someone who can't say no and whose needs don't have to be considered.
I would not like it one bit, and I'd leave a guy who did that because of the risk factors. Did he put on a condom, or did he simply have unprotected sex with you? Why did he want to wait for you to sleep again? That is creepy.
If you've already told him you aren't going for it and he tried it again, leave him. If you haven't, tell him that unless you are awake and into it, that his sex with you while sleeping is absolutely NON-consensual and constitutes rape if he tries it again. Rape also happens when someone is unconscious, sloppy-drunk, or drugged, not just struggling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): Do you know if he was wide awake or asleep as well? I saw a documentary on UK television about a disorder similar to sleep walking were some people try to have sex whilst asleep. No joke! I can't remember the name of the condition, but if you know he is asleep when he tries it, he may have it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2014): No it's not normal, if I were you I'd ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing. It's quite frightening as asleep you're at your most vulnerable, if he was trying to wake you for some attention halfway through the night then that's not as unusual but the fact you wake, and he waits for you to sleep again is peculiar and I wouldn't be happy with it.
On this occasion I would say to him that despite being bf and gf he can't do that, and tell him how it makes you feel. If, after that, it happens again I'd dump him. It just doesn't seem right.
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