A
female
age
26-29,
*hapsodyRach
writes:Hi I'm Rach, 19. This post is probably one of the most cliché crush circumstances ever and it's SUPER long, but I've been struggling with it since June so here goes -- I've (sort of? Maybe just a little bit) been into this particular guy, B, for quite a while now. It all began when we once combined classes with another and I was in a rather foul mood that day. I was sitting with my big brother type person, Sam, and then B, who's a friend of Sam's from the other class, came over and began talking to Sam, and then he noticed me and tried making conversation. I was more focused on my earphones (and Twenty One Pilots!) but B persisted on engaging me in conversation and he made me laugh quite a few times. I'm a sucker for humour so I began noticing how B was actually kinda cute, and we began saying hi to other in the halls really warmly. The next month, Sam had a camp in school so being the amazing friend/sister I am, I decided to bring him breakfast. Coincidentally, B was in camp with Sam and when he saw me bringing breakfast for Sam, he was all "wow you're a great friend" and when I mentioned Sam and I were like siblings, he kept marvelling to Sam about how great a "sister" I was. Then Sam asked me to stick around until lunchtime, and it didn't take long for B to sit with me and make conversation, and he even asked me about this restaurant and when I asked why, he jokingly replied that he wanted to take me. //rolls eyesA couple of weeks later, we had a sports meet in school and I was taking part in the discus throw. B stuck around and during one of my rounds, came up to me and told me he'd be rooting for me. Unfortunately he left before my winning throw but came back after, and when I told him I'd won the event, he replied that he was sorry he'd missed it and that he should have taken a video for Sam to see ("he should know his sister's great at throwing!"). Ever since then, we began saying hi more often, even calling each other "hot stuff" and "beautiful" and "handsome", and most of the time he'd even place his hand firmly on my shoulder while talking. Once, after one of my papers, he'd even asked me how it had gone and when I told him I was quite worried, he brushed it off and told me I was really smart and I'd do just fine. There was once when Sam and I wanted to go out for lunch, B saw us and Sam (who knows I like B) invited him to come with. B then asked for my number during lunch. After lunch, Sam and I wanted to go for ice cream, but I didn't want B to come along bc I was shy and didn't want to end up liking him too much so I pretended like Sam and I hadn't decided where to go next. B was really insistent and although he ended up not coming, he suggested going home first and asking us to call him when we'd decided where we wanted to go, and even suggesting that he could send Sam home for me afterwards. When I told my friends about this, one of my guy friends, John (who's quite observant), told me that he could sense B's interest in me from the way we interacted. Some of my friends also told me they'd catch him glancing at me occasionally, and when I told them that maybe he's naturally flirty with girls, they assured me he's not the type. About a month later, I was struggling with this school project we had (25% of our grade, but my teacher is rather incompetent) and I couldn't ask anyone from my class for help bc we were all facing the same problem, so I decided to ask B, who's in the next class (also so I had an excuse to talk to him). However, B sounded really hesitant to help me out, saying he'd done his really sloppily and warning me he wouldn't claim responsibility if I made the same mistakes he did. He did end up emailing me his notes, but ever since then, he grew really distant and cold towards me -- he'd stop saying hi even when we obviously passed each other by, and he'd act like I didn't exist e.g. that time I was standing with two of my friends Jen and Di, and he passed us by and said hi to Jen who's in the same class as him, but completely ignore me. Also, once I had to go around promoting T-shirts for the school. When I got to B's class, everyone paid attention except for B, who was intently staring at his books. When I told Di about this (Di's boyfriend Joe is friends with B), Di told me to play hard to get and not say hi first, which is what I began doing. Once, when John, another guy, Drew and I passed by B, Drew muttered that he was nearby but I told him I wasn't going to say hi first. So John said hi to him first and then he greeted him back, but he completely ignored me. However, Drew told me as we passed by that B actually stared at me as we walked past. Recently, during a school garage sale, B passed me by and I thought he was going to ignore me, but he stopped and greeted me really warmly and even placed his hand on my shoulder and got all touchy, like old times. However the following week, when I said hi to him, he ignored me again. Also, once when he came into my class (he's quite popular with some of the girls in my class lmao), they began fangirling over him. I was sitting with Sam at the time so I didn't really pay attention. Then came over and talked to Sam before Sam left to pee. I thought B would leave bc Sam left, but to my surprise he sat down with me and talked. On the last day of school, he sat next to me and started making me laugh again, and even asked me to guess his phone passcode. When I purposely asked if it was his girlfriend's birthday, he told me he didn't have one. And when a friend of mine took a picture of us on her phone, I wanted to delete it bc I looked terrible, but B insisted on seeing it and even kind of wrestled me for it. And just yesterday, before an exam, Sam and I were studying when Sam began smirking really widely and when I turned, B was there. He was also smiling and he greeted me warmly and touched my hand and asked me how I was, but then afterwards when I passed him by I noticed his shirt was in tucked so I told him about it, but he ignored me again. Tl;dr - I just want to know what the hell this guy thinks he's doing. One minute he's all warm and friendly, and the next he's distant and aloof. Is he even interested in me? Is he doing this bc he's intimidated and thinks he isn't good enough? Is he playing hard to get? It's honestly so frustrating bc I'm really tempted to just straight up demand to know what his deal is. It's frustrating, but every time I think of him, my heart flutters. He's got this effect on me and it's quite hard to pull away. I may be delusional, but I have this feeling that he might ask me out sometime. Am I being stupid? Should I just nip this in the bud? Any advice would be really appreciated. Sorry this post got so long, I wanted to explain everything to give a clear picture of what it's been like. Thanks - love, Rach.
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crush, flirt, my teacher, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2016): I bet there a lot of other girls out there asking the same question as you! And as a guy who has acted just like the B you describe, I can relate to the problem!To me, it sounds like he is into you. But something is putting him off making the move. Not all men are alpha males, so the reason could be something very simple.Consider the fact the boys are nowadays told that not all girls fancy them and they shouldn't assume all girls are up for it. (rightly so) It can be confusing to know if a girl is actually into you, and he doesn't want to take the risk for fear of rejection.TV shows and films often portray girls as strong minded, go and get what you want types especially when it comes to the hero of the story- which isn't the case in the real world. It's still very much that the man has to make the move. But we all know that TV and film influence us heavily. Maybe he's thinking that you would have said something if you were interested or is looking for stronger signals.While that sounds like I'm blaming you for not acting, that's not what I'm saying. Instead, the modern 'rules' for dating are so conflicting that who knows what is the right way to do it! But come to think of it, was there ever really a 'right' way?What you shouldn't do is try to guess what he's thinking- you'll only assume the worst. Instead, why don't you make the move? Ask him on a date. One of two things will happened - he will say yes, you'll go out and... who knows. Or, he'll say no thanks and you'll know exactly where you stand.Go for it, ask him!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2016): I bet there are many girls out there thinking the same as you! I know now, looking back to when I was your age, that I missed many opportunities with girls (I'm male!) through being blind to the opportunies and my shyness. Perhaps it the same for B?In fact, when you think about it, there a lot of reasons why a guy won't make the move nowadays. Boys are taught not to assume all girls want them (and quite rightly so) no matter how they interpret the signals. He might think that you like him, but isn't absolutely sure enough to say something. Not only that- films and TV all show how the strong girls and women go after the man they want untill they get him, and I think many boys would be influenced by that, even though I don't it happens like that in the real world very often at all. Maybe he's thinking he misinterpreted your signals because you haven't said anything.Either way, what you need to stop doing is guessing- guessing what he's thinking will only end up with you believing the negative possibilities and you'll get pissed off! By what you wrote, it sounds like he's into you, just maybe not brave/confident enough to say anything. If I were you, I'd take the chance myself- and ask him on a date. Trust me, whatever happens when you ask hime the question, when you think back on it in 5 years time, you'll have no regrets! Ask him the next time you see him, and let us know how you got on!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2016): Its all in your head so its starting to hurt so step back from it and ask yourself if maybe the guy is more into sam than you.He is always around but never moves forward so cast your net a little wider and let this guy breathe for a bit.
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