A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with orgasming. Before I started having sex, I used to be able to climax quite easily during masturbation and I thought I'd be able to do so during sex, but I just can't! I've been seeing a guy pretty casually for the last month and he's really nice and good in bed but I just can't come. He's really good at giving head and fingering me but what usually happens is that I seem to reach a certain point of arousal and can't go any further and when he keeps going I start having to put effort into being aroused and get a little bored. I used to masturbate about different things, and for a while I liked lesbian porn (I've never been attracted to a woman so I know I'm not gay) but I think I started to feel self conscious about what people would think if they found out and started to feel guilty that I came to that and just stopped. Now that kind of porn doesn't turn me on at all, but I wonder if that's why I can't come now. Any advice on how to come or opinions as to why I can't? I really want to!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): maybe you aren't getting the DIRT of porn in real sex..i'm just guessing that as a reason cos when i think of my disability to orgasm through sex that comes up as one of the reasons.others being that his "rhythm" may not adjust to mine ,you wouldn't i assume scream "faster"'harder" etc. like women in porn.you certainly shouldn't at all have guilt in sex.sex must be a product of either love or horniness/hunger for physical pleasure for it to be enjoyed .if you see it as 'bad' or sinful and something gross that means you have to look deep into yourself and think why you feel so ,and get over it.if its all that major then take help from counseling.its very normal to masturbate to lesbian porn ,so do i .i'm straight.but its best to limit porn if you want to improve your sex life .porn according to me personally is a manmade phenomenon and affects one's natural sense of arousal.i've observed that masturbating to too much of fantasy makes people less turned on in normal sex! not in all cases though.
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (10 December 2011):
 Difficult to say, but just in case, perhaps he needs some advice about how to perform expert cunnilingus. I wrote about some tried and proven methods a few years ago, which was based on years of personal experience. You be the judge. If you think it might help you over the hump, then suggest he also read and apply some of it. Copy and paste the following in the Web site's archives if the other does not work. Double M on cunnilingus or DoubleM on clitoris. There are numerous alternative possibilities, such as Double M on female orgasm.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-advice-do-you-have-about-giving-and.html
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