A
female
age
30-35,
*sk The Leprechaun
writes:So heres a fairly normal situation for once. I just started college, there's a girl I like in one of my classes. REALLY like. Problem, is she gay or not?skip the intro/context if you want ......................................................This is wierd for me. I usually don't feel this attracted to people who are as lovely and perefect for me as she is. I spent the past few years obsessed with one of my teachers at my high school. It was a twisted relationship I suppose, and really she wasn't exactly the nicest of people. But I really did love her nonetheless, I couldn't help it. I feel a little messed around though, lead on, I want to love someone who deserves my love, someone who's not ashamed to love me, and not afraid to be loved. I can't be doing with curiosity again, it only goes so far.I used to not want a serious relationship with anyone but her, just sex really if anything at all. I can't count all the people that catch my eye everyday, but are instantly forgotten. But a couple of weeks ago I met Frankie (made up name) and there was something about her that just shattered that entire relationship ethos I had. It's crazy, it's only been 2 weeks. less than that! But.....I can't stop thinking about her, I am totally fascinated by her, and I can't understand why. She's so perfect and actually a suitable person to feel this way about. I feel like a kid who's just discovered that there's a vegetable or fruit they like better than sweets. well, not yet obviously, but I could do eventually, I know.ok, intro over......................................................Anyway, that all to necessary voice of pessimistic reason has to slam the brakes on. Is she gay? And even if she is, is she crazy enough to like me? So I'm trying to weigh everything up here.If she is gay she's not exactly stereotypical. But then neither am I. She always wears heavy mascara, lots of denim skirts and shorts with black tights, painted nails,etc... she doesn't have short hair, but she does wear a lot of black and dark baggy tops. But there's something about her that sets the gaydar off nonetheless. Something in her voice, her face, the way she is around me. She always smiles at me, in a way that no one ever has before. Genuinely. The third time we had class she sat next to where she knew I would sit. She said she was so glad I'd sat next to her. Nobody has ever been so pleased about that. I was expecting the usual animosity the locals give me when I sit down. She was sort of nervous around me at first, but then this guy (Jon shall we call him) who'd sat by her the first time sat by us the next time. Strangely enough that made her more friendly with me. I like Jon, he's funny, he's alright. He had this cheeky grin tattooed on his face, I didn't really think why until today when we had class again.Neither did I think anything of it when I heard some people gossiping about her earlier today. I have terrible hearing, all I picked up was her name and a strangely familiar tone in their voices. I couldn't put my finger on it though. Then later in class the three of us sat together again, Jon sat oppostite us this time. Near the end of the lesson though, Jon leaned forward and asked her if "it" was true. She said she wasn't saying anything. He kept asking, she kept avoiding and then he said "are you?" she kept smiling and trying to work on her bit and he kept asking. Suddenly it hit me what he was grinning at, what those people were talking about, that tone they were using, I suddenly knew it all too well. So I innocently smiled at her and asked what was true. She looked a little unsure how to react. She looked up pleased/terrified at me and said nothing then went back to work. I looked the other way, smiling to myself. Then I looked back and noticed Jon grinning more than ever looking back and forth at the two of us. I asked (nicely) "what?" to which he stifled a laugh and shook his head. We didn't say anything to each other after that, and Frankie didn't look up from her work.I think there must be a rumour going round that she's gay or something. And if there was and she wasn't she'd deny it. It must have been that, I KNOW that tone, I KNOW that grin. What else could "are you?" be along with that? I wouldn't know about any rumours though, seeing as I don't know anyone and everyone else came in at least groups of 10-15.I know I've written loads about this, but I really want to know how other people would interpret the situation. I don't want to make a mistake here.And what do I do? How do I go about finding out if she is gay if thats what the rumour was? She knows I might definately suspect now. And if she is, how do I go about letting her know I'm interested? I don't know because I've never felt this way about someone who I can morally be with. I've never wanted to. So now I'm clueless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): Hey, why don't you try subtly hinting to her that you're a lesbian? Next time you talk to her, why don't you bring up a topic such as the Ellen DeGeneres Show orrr.. perhaps you could have a rainbow emblem on your keyring or a badge on your bag or something... Just little things that can tip her off. Observe and see what her reaction is like...These hints are otherwise harmless if she's straight, I mean plenty of straight people love watching Ellen right?! A perfectly legitimate straight people topic of conversation haha :)
A
female
reader, Ask The Leprechaun +, writes (25 September 2009):
Ask The Leprechaun is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for the advice, but c'mon really, what would you do if someone asked you if you were gay? no, if someone who you think might be gay asked you that and you're straight.
Maybe you'd be cool with that. But most people aren't.
it really is not simple at all. I do not want to chase away the only person who's mad enough to start liking me, the strange outsider as a friend.
I was hoping for more constructive answers detailing some sort of social manouever that would either expose my sexuality in a non-threatening causal manner or coax hers out of her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): Very, very simple solution: ask her!
Forget rumors, forget trying to figure it out (if you're "clueless" as you say)...just ask her if she's interested in you/wants to go out!
This whole game of "guess the sexual orientation" are childish...simply ask her.
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