A
female
age
36-40,
*elbelle2430
writes:I met this man 7 years ago, when I was 19, and he was 21. We always had a great time together and became great friends. I always had a crush on him, but I was in and out of a relationship for five years at the time. Then, he joined the Marines and got stationed in California, across the country. We always kept in touch throughout the years on a casual basis. After my last relationship ended, we started messaging each other again. We wrote each other for four months, and got closer and closer, to the point of talking multiple times everyday. And then phone conversations began. His messages became the highlight of my day, and our phone "dates" were what I started to look forward to.He came to visit last week. We spent three days together, and it was amazing. It felt so natural, and it was even better than I expected. He met many of my friends, and they all loved him, we spent alot of time just talking and alone. At one point, he took this deep breath. I asked if he was ok, and he said that he just wanted to hold onto that moment. The night before he left, we talked about everything. He told me that he doesn't want to scare me, but he's falling in love with me. And that he's at a point in his life where he's ready to build his future, and he can see himself with me and a family. I do as well.This is my concern. He's getting deployed for 9 months. I'm used to spending time with my partner, but we will only be able to write and skype for this entire time. I trust him, and I know that I can do it. But is this a life that I can handle? We only saw each other for three days. Is it crazy to make that serious of a commitment that quickly? We have known each other for such a long time, and I know that he is a great, funny, intelligent, driven, sweet man. And I know that it will be worth the wait. But I'm scared. So many people have told me how awful military men can be, and that infidility is so common with the life. He has given me no reason to doubt him. In fact, he's onboard a navy ship right now, and I thought I wouldn't hear from him for at least another week. And then he called yesterday from a satellite phone, and we got to talk for a couple minutes. It made me so happy, and my girlfriends were loving the smile and the mood just those couple minutes gave me.I'm in school right now and have alot of goals I want to accomplish on my own. So this is a perfect opportunity to spend the next nine months to focus on those, while building our relationship. And my plan is to move out to the West coast (a decision made with my best friend before him and our relationship began, although him being nearby is a MAJOR bonus!!) next summer. But am I crazy to put everything into this? To not date and just hope and pray that he is just as invested and we can make this work??
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 July 2013):
 1. Congratulations in knowing what you want and having a plan - specially one that means you finish your schooling FIRST.
2. Soldiers, sailors and marines are NO MORE unfaithful then anyone else. It's not like the uniform is the basis for cheating. A cheater is a cheater no matter WHAT they wear. And a FAITHFUL guy is FAITHFUL, no matter what his job is.
Been married to a soldier myself for 16 years (he finally retired after 25+ years of service) and deployments ARE hard, but you sound like a smart and independent girl, you will do FINE. We did 3 deployments in 5 years (with 3 small children) and honestly, IF I can do it.. so can you!
He sounds like a good guy. Don't let the whole "military lifestyle" scare you. IF HE is a keeper, keep at it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): I'm 18 and in the best relationship I could have ever wished for with a Marine. He is undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to me! If you care about this guy, remember to think this through thoroughly. A lot of Marines get "Dear John" letters and really, it's heartbreaking! A lot of girls/guys find they can't handle a relationship with someone in the military after they've already agreed to it and someone's heart ends up broken. Personally, I haven't seen my man in seven months. But, that's okay with me because I love him. It sounds like you are really into him. Before you give it a shot, just make sure make sure make sure you can handle it. It will be tough at first. The time you'll have for yourself, however, will be the PERFECT opportunity to work with your goals. Then, you can prepare for his homecoming and it will be A-MAZ-ING! I was able to get two jobs and finish school during the time I had alone. My boyfriend is coming home soon but it's not so bad when you have the ability to talk to him over the phone so often (or FaceTime w/ iPhone or video chat!) Plus, the time spent apart will give you time to bond and learn so much about each other. It will be just one thing you can say you've been through that MANY people aren't able to do! And, imagine how your Marine would feel - I bet he wishes every day for someone by his side. I think only the strongest people are Marine S/O's. =)Anyway... NO, it is not crazy! If you two really hit it off and end up together, and one day marry - if he ever gets deployed... you might go with him with housing provided. You get his benefits: health, GI bills, etc. The only downside to dating a Marine is being a worried for his safety (but if he has a good and safe MOS there shouldn't be any worry, he's a Marine!) and plowing through the distance. It's not easy, but it's SO WORTH IT.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): I don't think you're crazy to put everything into this - my reasons:-You have met in person, you have spent quality time together, you have been in contact for many years and know each other well, and you're at an age where you begin to know what you want.You've had an attraction to him in the past which you couldn't act on at the time due to bad timing. You still stayed in contact and became "great friends".He sounds special (taking the deep breath and wanting to hold onto that moment) someone who feels deeply and appreciates what is happening, and the moment for what it is.He was very clear about his feelings and his intentions - also very positive.You both sound like you want the same things out of life, similar goals.His deployment is a postponement for you both, but as you said, it allows you to pursue your own personal goals in building your career.If trust is not an issue, and you believe he could be the one, then it will be worth the wait. Nowadays with all the modern technology available, skype et al, it will make it so much easier to stay in touch.Don't take the generalisations about military men, but rather your military man. How does he behave, how does he act, what are his principals, and go on his example.Infidelity is rife anywhere, not only the military. Do you know how many office men and women have affairs? Boss and secretary? Doctor and nurse? People can have affairs or cheat easily, anywhere, anytime - it's who your partner is, and their values, and who they are to you and with you, that matters. You can have a guy in your state and city who cheats, or you can have a guy who is far away and remains faithful - it's not geography that changes that, but the individual concerned.It actually sounds ideal - you already met, you know each other well, you've had some time together, and as you get to know each other better through mail, skype, calls, it gives you the freedom to pursue your school work and build on that knowing that after his deployment you will be close to where he will be.Don't worry about missed opportunities to date, etc - because who would want to lose on him with dating others for convenience, to not be alone, and all those other reasons? If he is worth it, wait it out. Still have a life, spend time with family and friends, be fulfilled in all areas so that you keep a safety net that should things not work out or go wrong, you have your circle of trust to return to, and a balanced life.From what I've heard though, it sounds like you are doing the right thing, he sounds special, as do you, and I hope it works out for you both and when his time is done, you have a happy life ahead, together ;-)Good LuckG's Girl
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