A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel a bit silly asking this question but its really bugging me and i need answers or something close to it. When i was much younger (+/-8/9yrs old) my dad's friend would always want me to sit on his lap and he would rub his hand over my chest he said that he was "checking to see if my breast were forming and when they did, he would marry me". Dad would have parties and his friends would get drunk and some would sleep over in the lounge. One night I woke up to find somebody sitting on the side of me, touching. i was too scared to open my eyes so i just kept trying to change my position but he wouldn't let me. I don't remember when he left and i don't remember what else happened that night and i don't know who that was in my bedroom. I have started remembering all these things about 4yrs ago (i am now almost 24) and it has really been a terrible thing for me to try and accept or even admit. I keep thinking that nothing bad happened. Sometimes i wake up in the morning and my undies are laying on the floor and i know i didn't remove them. I'm so confused and i'm tired of living in the space where i am right now. I pretend that everything is ok and i act as thought these things don't bother me but it does and i have recently considered councilling but i'm too scared. What if i'm just over-reacting and it turns out to be nothing? I don't want to hurt myself or anyone else around me. I was touched by my friends father whilst swimming. He kept grabbing my butt and then in the front. I don't know what to make of all these things. Are all men this way? I am so scared of having kids. Someone please help! Am i making something out of absolutely nothing?
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female
reader, stormy0701  +, writes (7 November 2008):
you are definately not over-reacting! this is molestation and you really do need to get into counsiling. it wont be an overnight fix, since counsiling is a long process. but the best way to deal with what happened to you, is talking about it and understanding that you are not to blame. and no, normal men aren't like this. the one's that are , are called pedifiles and need to be locked up before they do it to another child. this same exact thing happened to me as a little girl and i was confused about whether or not i had been molested. i'm 39 now and have been in and out of counsilling since i was 23 yrs old. i have finally accepted that it wasn't my fault and have been able to move on with my life. it's the best thing i ever did. i really hope that you will be able to do the same. good luck and god bless!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know that i need counselling but taking that first step is like moving mountains (to me). I've made appointments with counsellors but never went. My fear got the best of me. Why can't i do this? Thanks to all you guys for the support. I feel like curling up and just crying coz i don't know what to do or how to feel or what to make of all this. You guys have made it clear that is was sexual abuse but i still can't accept that, i just can't. When i think about it, i think that it happened to someone else and not me. Ok my head hurts now!
Thank you guys!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): No you are not making something out of nothing. Someone has been abusive towards you and you aren't comfortable and it has to stop.
Try and be brave enough to go to counselling. This will help you to sort out your own feelings and also what you are going to do about it.
It is very frightening to expose someone who has abused you, or confront them, but lots of people have done this, even if it was years later.
I have heard of people just shouting stop that, in front of others, to scare the abuser away, don't know if you dare do that. I do strongly advise the counselling. In the long run it will be less scary than living with what has happened and how it could spoil your future relationships.
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506  +, writes (5 November 2008):
You are not being silly. I think it was molestation and yes your right you may need to see a counsellor. I feel for you that you are going through it alone, but that man had no right to touch you in that way you were too young to understand and that's okay. but you cannot keep it to yourself because it will only eat away at you. And don't let the pathetic few men ruin future r/ship with good men
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Dear,
My heart goes out to you.Please read this post from one of the aunts Fade.
http://www.dearcupid.org/forum/lounge/1344
You need counseling.I think you are in denial.you need to remember to get over it.My prayers are with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Hi there. Not all men are this way at all, but unfortunately some men are. You have been around too many people who have used you and taken advantage of you. You are not ok with these things, you cant fool yourself into thinking they are ok because at your core, you know they are not. You don't have to be a victim and you dont have to settle for this.
You are a human, an individual, and you deserve the respect & privacy that all humans deserve.
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A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (5 November 2008):
 Omg darlin, i feel so bad for you.. What has happened to you is NOT acceptable in any way shape or form! You should speak up about whats happened t you, not only for you but for any other children this could still be happening too! And please do see someone who you can talk to in confidence who'll help you pick yourself up from this. My heart goes out to you x dont feel ashamed, or like its nothing because no one deserves that.. No one! x x x
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